My thoughts on the week?

in Essential Ramblings

Well, I suppose I can’t resist but to share my thoughts on this week’s events…but really I don’t have much to say any more other than that I am just beat down and exhausted by having to look my kids in the eye yet again and tell them about more terrors in the world.  Look into their eyes that dare me to say it’ll be ok, you’ll always be safe.  They don’t believe me.  They know that people can be crazy, they can be hateful, they can hurt people and there’s not much we can do about it.  I can’t wrap them up and keep them home, I can’t tell them that there aren’t people out there who are sick and twisted and vengeful.  I want to, but then what?  What does that gain us, where do I go from there?  I know these are dark thoughts, I know I am not offering suggestions, I know I am not making you feel better, but I can’t do it anymore.  I can’t pretend that I am not sickened by the world, by the fears that I have every day that something terrible will happen to someone I love.  Be it cancer or an accident or a terrorist or a super storm.  We live in a new world, and the best I can do is to be the best parent or the best person I can be in that world.  Try to teach my kids to be lovers not fighters, seek help when I see someone who needs it, support my friends when they are in need, try to look for the good, and try to be the good for someone else.  Love my husband, hug my friends, support my kids, steer clear of negative people…nothing else matters.  Take the time, do things that make you and your kids happy, snuggle when you need to snuggle, go to required activities when they make you happy, not sad or stressed.  Be family selfish.  Put you and your kids before life.

A little story…I was driving through a local town the other day and saw this scene:  There was some traffic and lots of kids milling around after school.  I saw a mom screech to the curb in her huge SUV, scream at her kid to just get in the car, and screech away still yelling at the kid that they were going to be late and hurry up — while she pulled away from the curb (and thus the other kids standing there) with the kid still trying to close the car door.  I ask you — what the hell activity could possibly be that important?  Piano lessons?  Lacrosse?  Soccer?  I’ll answer for you.  Nothing.  Nothing could be that important.  Nothing.  Please.  Remember to say hi to your kids when you pick them up places.  How was your day honey?  Still feel like going to tennis or are you whipped from spending the last 6 HOURS at school keeping it together in classes and with friends and peer pressure?  Do you have so much homework that going to soccer will mean keeping you up until all hours trying to get it all done?  Will I be feeding you a dinner on the road driving to your next activity?

Perspective.  It’s time we get some.  Our kids need love and time to be kids and ways to be themselves.  I will tell you that I have dreamed that dream of moving away and living in a cabin in the woods.  Of leaving it all behind and getting out of the race…and for the last two years I have moved towards that goal, and from the other side, it looks pretty fantastic.  Maybe my kids won’t get into certain colleges as a result, maybe they won’t be high paid lawyers or businessmen, maybe they’ll go live in a cabin and hike mountains.  Grow their hair long and hippy out.  Maybe I just don’t care.  I think I will like them though.  A lot.  And maybe they’ll be safe and that’s really just all I want. Every day my 10 year old comes home with another scheme on what sort of job he’s going to have when he gets older.  One day it’s a scientist, one day a mountain climber, the next a chef.  I love that he thinks of everything as exciting.  I want him to always have that — eventually he’ll pick something and it’ll stick but until then, he should feel the world is open, the possibilities are endless.  THAT is what gets me through the day.  That’s what gives me hope for a better future, what rekindles my faith in the world.  Take a step back and decide.  What makes you happy.  What makes your kids happy.  Choose what will heal you and repel the acts of those out there set on destroying the joy in life and do that.  Sending happiness and contentment to you and your families this week…may you find what you seek.