Essential Ramblings

The Mental Health Association of Westchester is looking for volunteers to fill two positions.  If you are looking to re-engage in the work field and re-build that resume, maybe you would consider these options to get back in the door?

ProBono Filmmaker for the Mental Health Association of Westchester County:  Premier community mental health agency in Westchester is looking for a pro bono filmmaker to assist in filming interviews to create a short documentary.  MHA Westchester is the leader in NYS and Westchester promoting and providing person-centered, recovery-oriented services to people courageously facing mental health challenges.  Find out more at  www.mhawestchester.org.  Email moustakc@mhawestchester.org

Development Intern: Busy and Exciting non-profit development office is looking for a volunteer intern to be involved in every aspect of fundraising/special events.  Knowledge of computers and Microsoft office a must.  Self-starter, detailed oriented and able to handle multiple projects at once.  Email brooksa@mhawestchester.org.

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I am NOT a doctor, I am not giving medical advice, I am just recapping something I attended yesterday…..so please take it as that and seek answers from your medical doctor.

That said, I attended an awesome speaker series at Northern Westchester Hospital yesterday (yes, the one I have been promoting, but it was truly a great lecture) so here are my notes to share with you…

Regarding your daughters:

Breast development average these days is between 9 and 11 years old.  If it is occurring before 9 for your daughter, have her checked.  If it happens after 9 and before 16, she’s in the normal range.
The average age used to be 12-13 years old.  Although there are no conclusive studies that say the hormones and chemicals in our food are causing earlier puberty and development…sure seems fishy with the age of development getting younger.  The fewer hormones and chemicals you put in your bodies, the better = common sense.
Breasts develop asymmetrically.  There is almost always a difference in their size or shape.  Totally normal. During development there can be soreness, pain, itching, and more.
Obesity is a risk factor for breast cancer.  Physical activity (moderate to strenuous work out 4 times a week) reduces the risk of cancer.  Exposure to second hand smoke greatly increases the risk.

My take away?  Feed your daughters good, healthy food without hormones and chemicals.  Teach them to take care of their bodies.  Limit their exposure to radiation, chemicals, second hand smoke.  Teach them to exercise and recognize their bodies.

And for the moms?

Early detection is the best prevention.  We all know that — you’ve heard the lectures about breast self-exam, mammograms at 40, and on and on.  What I found interesting though?  Breast self exams don’t need to be search and destroy or a mapping your chest exercise.  Feel around once a month (preferably the same time every month) and when you feel something different or weird, go get it checked — that’s not so hard.  The more familiar you are with what you have, the more likely you’ll be to recognize if there’s a problem. Most breasts are lumpy.  Getting to know YOUR lumpy breasts is the key.

Rumors but no conclusive studies linking the following as risk factors:

Underwire bras
Deodorant/Antiperspirant
Breast injuries
Caffeine (no risk to cancer, but can cause breast pain/soreness and lumpier breasts – so if you experience either of those, consider cutting back)

Risk factors to consider:

Breast Density
Radiation (cat scans, old xrays, other cancer treatments, environmental)
Family history
Early age of onset of menstruation
Hormone replacement therapy
Drinking alcohol more than 1 drink a day increases your risk
Obesity and high BMI increases risk
If you are at a higher risk, avoid xenoestrogens like in BPA plastics or Phytoestrogens (plant estrogens) like in soy
Smoking and second hand smoke

Know your risk

Ask your doctor for a risk assessment, or call the Breast Institute at Northern Westchester Hospital to schedule an appointment.  Risk can be calculated and steps to monitor your health CAN be taken. Find out more about the Breast Institute at www.nwhbreastinstitute.org or call 914.242.7640.

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Now is the time to plan your Spring garden!  It’s easy to begin with Seed Starting Kits from Back to Nature.  The kit includes the tools you’ll need to grow your own food, starting vegetables from seed.  A Plant Tray, Grow Dome, Wooden Plant Stakes, 100% Biodegradable Starter Pots and Organic Seed Starting Soil are included.  The deluxe version also offers a Heating Mat for improved germination and plant health.  It’s a fun way to get kids involved with gardening and to watch the plants grow!  10% Discount* for Westchester Land Trust supporters available at Back to Nature Home & Garden In store, Online, Landscape & Construction — Use the code WESTCHESTER10.   Back to Nature Home & Garden, 3055 Valley Road, Basking Ridge, NJ 07920, Tel. 908-350-7506, www.backtonature.net.  More on the Westchester Land Trust can be found at www.westchesterlandtrust.org.

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FEMA Grant Awarded to The Mental Health Association of Westchester For Post-Sandy Crisis Counseling.   The Mental Health Association of Westchester (MHA)  has been chosen to provide crisis counseling assistance through the program,  Project Hope, part of Governor Andrew M. Cuomo’s $8.2 million grant from FEMA. The mandate:  To deliver immediate mental health crisis counseling to individuals impacted by Hurricane Sandy.  A team of twelve has already been assembled and will soon begin visiting the 11,000 individuals in Westchester and Rockland estimated to have been impacted.  Those at emotional risk after a traumatic storm such as Sandy are children; older adults; people with prior trauma, disabilities, serious mental illnesses and substance abuse problems and feelings or sense of hopelessness; people with low-incomes; first responders and other public safety workers.  Symptoms include irritability, poor concentration, low mood and hopelessness, isolation, discouragement, grief over losses and alcohol, tobacco and drug abuse.  If you, or anyone you know, would like to contact Project Hope, call 914-345-5900 extension 7543 or 7544.  MHA of Westchester is a community-based mental health agency that has been helping Westchester County residents for 66 years through direct services, professional and community education and advocacy. MHA supports 20,000 individuals annually through a comprehensive array of mental health services striving to help each individual to achieve their personal goals and to lead independent, healthy and successful lives. For information, visit www.mhawestchester.org.

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So, you think you have Facebook covered, you’ve got an account, have figured out posting, and privacy, and talked to the kids about what is appropriate or not appropriate…kept them from getting an account…blah, blah…sooooo LAST year’s news.  Sorry to say, but there are SO many ways for these kids to get online, post things about themselves that you would NEVER believe they are saying and with NO filter at all.  It’s a constant battle people…requiring vigilance, attention, and yes, technical know-how.

I was at a school event recently and the principal said something that struck me — he said (and I paraphrase obviously), ‘people: technology and the internet is no longer a futuristic idea’.

It’s no longer something we can shake our heads and look at in wonderment, no longer can we say maybe technology will be a part of our kids lives, maybe we will have to adjust to it…it is HERE and it is here to stay.  Our children will always have access to the internet, whether we like it or not, they will always have computers to explore the world  –  they will write their papers on them, do their research on them, and will have access to information that we can only hope to protect them from, teach them to understand, and we MUST be aware of what is happening.

Whether your child has access to a computer, a laptop, an iPhone, iTouch, iPad, cell phone, tablet….it doesn’t matter any more — if they have technology in the home or access to yours, whether they are at school or the library or a friends’ house — they have access to a terrifying world of information, public access and more — and we can no longer pretend we can protect them from it.  We have to TEACH them how to use it.  They are on it whether you believe it or not, whether you give them permission or not, and whether you are looking or not.  I know I sound crazy, but the new reality is that as important it is to talk about sex or drugs, it’s equally important to talk about internet use and privacy issues.  So, the best you can do is to understand it yourself and stay TUNED in.  It is no longer an option for us as parents to sit by and say we don’t use ‘that stuff’ — don’t be afraid to be on line, to sign up, and to CHECK your kids’ phones, games, tablet, etc etc.  Look over their shoulders and ask questions.  What’s the coolest technology honey, what games are you playing, what are you taking pictures of these days, what are your friends playing?  It MATTERS and it matters a lot.  Colleges are looking at your kids’ e-footprints, interviews are being conducted on-line, and you better bet that bosses are checking out perspective hires internet use.  No matter how private you think you can make your kids’ profiles or phones, or whatever else, people know how to look and they are looking.

So today’s tutorial is on the newest tween fun — Instagram.  ANY iproduct allows you to download the app for free and post pictures to your account — both pictures you take, pictures from the internet and pictures from other people’s accounts.  You can like photos, share them, and comment on them.  You have friends lists, like lists, and followers.  It’s actually a very fun and cute app that on the outset looks totally innocent — a sort of facebook lite.  I joined (please follow me at essentialmom for some great new christmas ideas, etc).  BUT here’s what you need to realize…first of all, if your tween has an i-anything (including itouches), they are likely on this and you don’t know.  If you say no way, and you know my seventh grade kid, you are wrong.  Go check.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that it is a BAD thing, I am just saying again, PAY ATTENTION.  There are photos, comments, and ways that they can be mean, cruel, and not THINK.

1.  Get an account and “follow” your child on Instagram.  If they don’t like that, tough luck.  Take the phone away.

2.  Check that their account photos are “private”.  All this means is that people have to ask them first to “follow” them (ie to access their pictures), so weird stalkers/strangers can’t see their info (as easily).

3.  Go through their current “followers” and make sure that they know all of the people on their followers list.  There will likely be total strangers on their list.  Within moments of setting up an account my son was being “followed” by some folks that looked “unsavory”.

4.  Make sure to explain how the account works to your kids.  Show them on your account how, even IF they are marked as private, or if they are not friends with the other people, their comments are seen by EVERYONE.  So if my son’s friends comment on his photos I can see them even though I am not following them specifically.  I like to tell him “assume Mrs. Soandso is seeing every comment you write, because, like me, she is following Fred Soandso”.  It makes them think.

5.  You should absolutely have a phone “contract” with your child.  Outline what appropriate use is and what is not.  Have specific consequences for their actions.  Our son has lost phone privileges for infractions such as using the phone at unapproved hours, buying (even free) apps without getting permission, etc etc.  You make the rules and stick to them.  Having a phone or game or device is a PRIVILEGE, not a right.

6.  Most of all — check, check, and check their phones, devices, etc.  I am sure there are parents who would argue that my son’s privacy is being compromised.  It is.  He’s 12.  Maybe I will change my rules later, but at the moment, why in the world would I allow him to do anything, post anything, say anything to the world of the internet that he couldn’t honestly show me.  If he has a secret he wants to share with a friend, whisper it in her/his ear.  Don’t post it for the world to see.  There is no such thing as privacy on the internet.  Period.

See you on Instagram…and when we chase them off of there…I’ll let you know the next meeting spot. But please…don’t tell your kids that I was the snitch if I KNOW THEM, or they won’t let me figure out what the next spot is!

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Ok, so this is a weird post.  I know it and I don’t care.  Maybe I am just trying to explain myself before people see me, maybe I am just SO sick of writing about the storm or being sad or hearing about and feeling the devastation that this has brought to people around us…so today I am going to write about what I am wearing.  It might be a first as usually what I am wearing is a pair of sweatpants and a fleece.  Today though, waking up freezing and looking at the snow outside, I decided that I just couldn’t put the baggy jeans back on today.  So I went in my closet and dusted off this amazing shawl that I bought (at the fabulous Planned Parenthood Empower Breakfast I might add) and put it on with some (tight for me) jeans out of my closet.  I have to tell you, it looks fab (I must say) — I feel totally dressed up — YET, it is like wearing a blanket around all cozy for the day!  YUM.  Best part?  It is made so it sort of just fits — you know how some wraps and scarves just feel like they need constant adjusting?  This one just sits on your shoulders like a sweater — with no fuss. Oh, did I mention it is MACHINE WASH? And made by moms?  Yup, check it sister.  I got the green one at the urging of friends (while I was reaching for my usual black) — all of the colors are gorgeous, warm and delightful.

April Marin, thank you for the lift today…click here to see what I’m talking about!  And no, this is not a paid advertisement.  Go in your closet, find something fun and put it on.  I already feel feisty and better about the day.  And yes, if you are still without power, you go ahead and want to kick me for this post…I would.

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Check out our hiring site.  Neighbors Link Northern Westchester has day workers available.
There are three different ways to hire a worker:
1. Come to our location at 27 Columbus Avenue, Mount Kisco, NY 10549.
2. Call our Hiring Site Manager: 914-666-3410 ext. 10.
3. Complete the ‘Hire Worker’ form on our website, www.neighborslink.org.
Contact us now to make sure you get the workers with the skills that you need when you want them.  Please pass on this information to your friends, family, or anyone else who might be interested.  Neighbors Link Northern Westchester is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization.  No fees charged to you or the worker. For more information, visit www.neighborslink.org

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By Barbara Bernstein, PhD and MPH, MHA Westchester

Natural disasters, even predicted ones, can play havoc with our emotions as well as the electrical power, heat and the digital devices we rely on for information and staying in touch with loved ones.    Our routines are disrupted.  We may be fearful for our safety or the safety of our property.  We share distress about others’ losses and uncertainties about the days ahead – resumption of transportation and road safety, ability to obtain fuel, school closures, power restoration, and other ongoing disruptions.

Everyone responds to these crises in their own unique way, on their own personal timetable.  There is no “right” or “normal” way to respond to these abnormal circumstances.  Yet, we know that there are typical ways of responding.   Maybe you will recognize some of these responses in yourself, family members or friends.  Common Responses to Disaster Situations — Feelings:  Stress, anxiety and concern about the future, Sadness, sense of loss, Irritability or anger, Powerlessness.  Behaviors:  Noticeably increased or decreased attention to your circumstances and over- or under-reacting to situations, Changes in eating – loss of appetite or increased appetite, Changes in sleep patterns including difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, having nightmares, Difficulty concentrating, Difficulty making decisions, Increased use of alcohol or drugs.

Everyone responds in their own way, in their own time and responses may change over time.  It is important to know that your responses may be more intense or more long-lasting if you have previously experienced a disaster or trauma.  People who have experienced traumas in the past may re-live parts of those experiences.

Suggestions for Coping and Maintaining Balance:  Recognize your own resilience.  Think about the tools or skills that have helped you through difficult situations in the past, and turn to those.  Return to routines as much as possible, as soon as possible.  Even a partial return to routine can be comforting.  Take care of yourself by eating and sleeping as well as you can.  Maintain the schedule of medications that you take routinely.  Spend time with friends and family.  Reassure children – even very young children pick up on adults’ anxiety.  Answer children’s questions in a reassuring and honest manner.  Let them know how you will keep them safe and about who will take care of them if you cannot.  Take care of yourself in the ways that you know are helpful to you.  For some, that may be exercise, listening to music, reading, praying, talking with friends.  Talk about what you are experiencing.  Discussing it can relieve stress and can help you realize that others are experiencing similar feelings.  Limit exposure to disaster coverage.  A constant barrage of updates is not helpful.  Tune in for needed information and then give yourself a break.  Avoid increased use of drugs and alcohol.  In the long run, drugs and alcohol may increase problems.  When to Seek Help:  If the feelings persist or are so intense that they interfere with your daily routines, seek help from a trusted professional – such as a health care provider, mental health provider, or spiritual advisor.  There are numerous resources available to help during this time.

Resources

Westchester County:  www.westchestergov.com offers updated information, information about maintaining health during cleanup, transportation and shelters.  Additional severe weather information and links to multiple sources of local information is found at keepingsafe.westchestergov.com/severe-weather.  Mental Health Association of Westchester www.mhawestchester.org.  MHA offers Walk In Services and Support at its White Plains location – 300 Hamilton Avenue, White Plains and in Mt, Kisco at 344 Main Street, Suite 301.  Mental Health America www.nmha.org offers information and tips for coping with stress during disaster.  National Disaster Distress Hotline provides year-round disaster crisis counseling.  This toll-free, multilingual, crisis support service is available 24/7 via telephone (1-800-985-5990) and SMS (text ‘TalkWithUs’ to 66746) to residents in the U.S. and its territories.  Counselors provide support and information about typical responses to crisis, coping, and when appropriate, referrals to local resources.  Additional information is available at disasterdistress.samhsa.gov.

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From the Village of Mt Kisco –

The Village continues to prepare for Hurricane Sandy which is expected to arrive in our area Sunday evening and continue into Wednesday.  Rainfall amounts of at least 3 inches (up to 10 inches are possible) will be accompanied by tropical winds in excess of 50 mph.  As a result, residents and businesses should prepare for flooding, power outages and road closures.  Your storm preparations should include the following:
Assemble a disaster supply kit with food, water, medical supplies and prescription drugs.
Maintain important documents in a waterproof container.
Secure or bring in outdoor furniture, grills and loose items in your yard.
Have supplies of batteries, flashlights and a battery operated radio.
Ensure that your car is full of fuel prior to the storm.
If your electric service goes out contact Con Ed directly at 1-800-75-CONED.  Calling Con Ed directly will allow for your power loss to be registered into their computerized database.  Use 911 ONLY to report true emergencies (including down wires and trees blocking roads).       DO NOT APPROACH ANY DOWNED WIRES.  Mount Kisco Emergency Preparedness Officials will continue to monitor and prepare for the storm and provide updated information throughout the storm event.  For additional information please visit the Village’s website at www.mountkisco.org or tune into:  WHUD – FM 100.7 and/or WFAS – AM 1230.  Important information for Village residents will be broadcast through these stations.  For additional information on how to prepare for the storm please visit the following websites:  www.governor.ny.gov and/or www.redcross.org.

And a note from Essentialmom.com….(not to make light of the coming storm…just in ADDITION to making REAL preparations)

Get ready your playing cards and move the legos to a secure location where you can find them quickly in the center of the house.
Turn the TV on for the next two days so the kids get sick of it and are ready to have no electricity.
Find and assemble your art supplies, paper, scissors, and stickers.  Place them in a bin that makes them look more exciting than they are.
Prepare extra blankets, pillows and fort making items and place them in the living room for tent building and snuggling.
When you are out at the grocery store, swing by your favorite book store and get some new books.
Save any cardboard boxes that you have lying around and consider them for fort building potential.  Keep markers and box cutters on hand for enhancement purposes.
Look up recipes on line for play dough and get those items you need to make it.
Think out the race course through the house that will lead to the expulsion of energy.  Just a tip from someone who has done that, be sure that the course runs in a circle or kids tend to run into each other, causing tears and headaches. Not what you need.
Get unhealthy snacks, juice boxes, and wine.

* DO NOT let the kids get into any of these prepared items until you absolutely HAVE TO.  Stall until you all can’t stand it and then look like the queen you are when you save the day.  Best of luck to you and yours.

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A few years back, I had an idea that struck me in the middle of the night — I honestly can’t remember why, or what in the world I had been obsessing about at the time, but I am sure it was around the Holidays and that I was feeling that my kids were just so very, very lucky.  We live in a wonderful area, with good schools, and kind neighbors, and surrounded by more lucky people.  We have food to eat, and clothes to wear, a roof over our heads, and books to read.  Lucky.  And so, as I thought about how lucky we are and how I want my kids to understand what they have and appreciate it, I stayed up all night thinking through a concept of a family volunteer program — where the kids and parents work together to create, and help, and engage with those who may be less lucky than we are.  People who are maybe sick, or economically disadvantaged, or new to our country, kids who maybe don’t have books at home, or are hungry or need clothes.  Although we live in a place that is beautiful, there are still plenty of needs and I wondered how I could make that a connection for our kids.  And so I started a small volunteer group, filled with friends and families who also cared to share these ideas with their kids.  Sometimes we take care of the environment, sometimes we take care of people, or collect things, play with sick kids, make cards for soldiers, and the list goes on and on.  It feels good and the kids love it.  Some of the issues they understand well, others they just want to spend a Sunday with friends or do something with their family.  Whatever piece they learn or understand and how it translates to their consciousness is fine by me — a couple of hours spent not thinking about themselves is enough.

And so, in my rambling way I invite you to join my family for an event that we have set up at Northern Westchester Hospital on October 28th from 1-3pm.  We will be packaging trick or treat bags for the pediatric patients at the Hospital.  The event will take place in their conference room, so there will not be actual contact with the patients, but we will give a quick bit of information to the kids about the hospital and then have them work on the project.  Nothing scary, nothing too heavy, just a little time doing something for someone else.

Care to jump in?

RSVP here and find out what I am talking about.

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I went to make some cookies for a school event today and wanted to make them look extra cute — so I grabbed the sprinkles out of the cabinet and just happened to glance at the ingredients…GROSS.  Sugar, carnauba wax, confectioner’s glaze, yellow 5?

So, I popped in my car and headed over to Table and grabbed their version of sprinkles…cane sugar colored by beets, spinach, cabbage, carrot, etc.  Sounds weird, but they look good, taste the same, and much better for the kiddos!

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My older brother sent me this stating that it is his school’s new homework policy — I started laughing out loud when I read it and just can’t help but share it with all of you — a good back to school giggle for the moms and dads who might already be tired of the homework fun that goes on in houses across this great nation…I wish I could quote the person who took the time to write this, but for now it will have to go under anonymous parent and with a thanks for the laugh.

Middle SCHOOL HOMEWORK POLICY

Dear Parents,

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy:
Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner:
15 minutes  –  looking for assignment;
11 minutes  –  calling a friend for the assignment;
23 minutes  –  explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children;
8 minutes  –  in the bathroom;
10 minutes  –  getting a snack;
7 minutes  –  checking for text messages;
6 minutes  –  telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment clearly;
10 minutes  –  sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.

LONG TERM ASSIGNMENTS
These are given the night before they are due. This explains the name “long term”.  It is a long term commitment to time that begins at 9:30 P.M. and ends at 11:50 P.M. – or later.  It is important that the whole family is involved in the project. It is imperative that at least one family member races across town to Wal Mart/K Mart for posterboard, and that at least one family member ends up in tears (does not have to be the student).  One parent needs to stay up and complete the project. The other parent needs to call the school attendance clerk and leave a message on the answering machine that the student will be out sick.  Above all it’s not necessary to have the student’s name on the assignment, teachers are trained to guess which student did the work.

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I was speaking with a friend the other day and she asked — do you think it is it time for THE TALK?  Her daughter has started talking about crushes and boys and all of the giggling that 4th grade begins.  And it started me thinking about the topic in general, so as we begin the school year and head into the dangers of “playground talk” I thought I might as well share my thoughts with all of you as well.

When I say “playground talk” I am referring to the incredible misinformation that goes on on playgrounds throughout our fine nation — girls giggling and talking about boys, boys turning red while talking about girls, trash talking about crushes/dating/sex/homosexuality, using adult words that they have heard at home, or in movies — or from the dreaded older siblings…the worst kind of information.  I have to say whenever I hear my boys telling me something that someone said, I nearly always hear it from someone who is not the first in their family — second and third and more kids always know more than firsts and are all too happy to share (and yes, I know that this includes MY second).  That aside, there is always someone with the intel on the playground and the game is to either get ahead of it or to be alert from signs that your child has gotten the info and be ready to talk when it slips out.  And yes, it will slip out.

I have a pretty sensitive older child — and when I started hearing him talk about kids who were just BAD on the playground, my ears perked up.  What do you mean bad?  Kid: BAD mom, I can’t tell you why.  Mom: Like throwing rocks bad?  Kid: No, WORSE.  Mom: Hmmmmm…. And so the talk began.  With his hands clamped firmly over his ears, I wondered aloud whether they were maybe talking about “boy-girl” stuff?  Kid: gross mom, stop talking!  Mom: It’s totally normal, and what might sound gross to you may not be as bad as you think.  Kid: No way, it is definitely as bad as I think.  Mom: Let me tell you a little bit about it because I wonder if the kids are telling you some stuff that isn’t that accurate…Here I launch into a very watered down version of penises and vaginas and babies as this is the first “talk” that we have had…. Kid: Oh, that’s it?  Mom: Yup.  But when you hear kids talking about stuff, I need you to ask me or Dad about it so that you don’t just hear their possibly not totally correct and nice versions, ok?  Kid: Gross.  Mom to self: Ok, class dismissed.  But door opened.

If you read the articles, hear the experts, etc. they will all tell you not to have THE TALK.  Rather, use every day discussions to relay your values, to normalize sexuality, and to educate your children in a way that is open, age appropriate and healthy.  Jump in when you get an opening, hang back when they’ve heard enough, and model healthy relationships for them.

Sounds easy, but I personally think it’s the absolute hardest, most constant job we have other than protecting them in general.  As a parent to boys, it’s about making them GOOD men, teaching them feelings, helping them understand the difference between boys and girls and how, without patronizing women, you need to also protect them.  The difference between understanding how to treat a woman as a strong, capable person, while also giving the message that ultimately women are to be coveted, never to hit, never to hurt.  The difference between teaching a girl to have strong positive feelings about her body and her sexuality, but telling her not to use them by having sex too early or with the wrong person.  The dilemma of wanting them to talk to you about sex, or friendship or dating, but to not be their friend, but rather their guide.

All of this is tough, and you are probably as grossed out as they are, but if you educate yourself and think about it all BEFORE you are faced with the questions, maybe, just maybe, you won’t visibly recoil when they ask.  Below are some resources, from the ultimate resource, Planned Parenthood — because who better to talk about sex than the experts…

Sex & Talking to your kids: click here

Puberty: click here

Books & Resources: click here

Some books we have on hand here at my house….not that the boys would even open them at this point (not ready, totally gross) but available none-the-less…just in case they want to peek.

Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle.  The most beginner of the three, this is a cursory beginning to the question.  And while it definitely has large pictures of male and female bodies and does cover the topic of sexual intercourse, it is in a “tickly” discussion of feelings with a watered down, but accurate description of intercourse.

It’s Perfectly Normal, by Robie Harris.  A more in-depth look at body parts, sexual activity, puberty, and the like.  Covers the full range from sex, to bodies, to puberty, to heterosexual vs homosexual, to masturbation, to babies and healthy choices.  The illustrations are good and not terrifyingly large and the content is based at a slightly younger level, but definitely for those entering the first stages of puberty.

Understanding the Facts of Life, by S. Meredith & R. Gee (Usborne Publishing).  A very comprehensive guide to “the facts of life” from growing up and body changes — including puberty, sexuality, healthy choices and taking care of the body, sexual intercourse, sexually transmitted diseases and contraception, all the way to babies and the science of how a baby is formed, grows, and is delivered.

Happy Reading and TALKING!

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Did you know that Westchester Land Trust’s Sugar Hill Farm headquarters and its surrounding land are known to have been farmed all the way back to the founding of Bedford in 1680?   With this in mind, we are so proud to be back in agricultural production. Last year, through a partnership with the Food Bank of Westchester and the efforts of local farmer (and Food Bank staffer) Doug DeCandia, fresh produce from Sugar Hill Farm was distributed to over 200 area hunger relief agencies. As one of five area properties that Doug manages, Sugar Hill Farm helped contribute over 18,000 servings of local organic vegetables to Westchester residents in need.  BUT DOUG NEEDS YOUR HELP!   Sugar Hill Farm is a demanding venture requiring a great deal of work to keep it maintained and productive. We’re looking for volunteers on an ongoing basis to weed, plant, dig, water and harvest. If you are curious about organic farming, looking for a meaningful service project, or itching to put your green thumb to work, please join us on the 4th Thursday of every month from now through the end of October – rain or shine! – between the hours of 10:00am and 2:00pm. And if you only have an hour to spare – that’s fine too!   Save these dates: Thursday, Aug 23,  Thursday, Sept. 27, Thursday, Oct. 25.  If you can help on on any or all of these days, please RSVP to kate@westchesterlandtrust.org in advance so we can plan our tasks accordingly. Once you’ve signed up, we’ll email you a summary of the jobs for that day – all you have to do is bring your gardening gloves!  (sturdy shoes are also recommended)   You will join a team of several workers who are helping Doug that day.  You may leave a bit dirty and a bit tired, but you will have benefited from making a significant contribution to those families in our community who lack access to affordable, fresh and nutritious food.  To find out more about the Westchester Land Trust, visit www.westchesterlandtrust.org.

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See below for a great piece submitted by the Ossining Children’s Center — focusing on how best to help your child transition to school or child care.

Helping Toddlers and Preschoolers Adjust to Day Care or Preschool, By Terry Becker, LMSW, Director of Family and Children’s Services, Ossining Children’s Center, www.ossiningchildrenscenter.org.

Separation anxiety is a normal healthy response to experiences that require us to give up the familiar and face the unknown. These are normal difficulties and should not be confused with mental health issues.  Here are some suggestions for parents that can help to reduce a child’s separation anxiety:

• By the time your child is six months of age, occasionally have a trusted friend, relative or babysitter care for him or her for short periods of time. By 12 months, your child should begin to be exposed to other young children in the form of family/friend get-togethers or a playgroup.
• Be sure to make arrangements for child care that you feel confident about. Your anxiety about child care arrangements or guilt about leaving may add to your child’s distress.
• Prepare your child by telling him about the experience, but not too far in advance, because young children’s concept of time is different from adults’. For three and four year olds, begin describing his program about two weeks in advance.  For toddlers, it is best to wait until you make an actual visit shortly before he begins (see below).
• Help your child become familiar with new surroundings and people before actually leaving him there by touring the facility and meeting the teacher.
• Read books with your child about going to preschool and actually role play the event with him.
• Take your child shopping for special items for school, e.g. backpack, school clothes, etc.
• If possible, find out if there is a child in the class with whom you can schedule a play date in advance.  This can be especially helpful with preschoolers.
• Allow your child (particularly if a toddler) to bring a “transitional object”—a beloved stuffed animal, blanket, or pacifier—to school.  This will comfort him, especially at nap time.
• When school starts, a transition period of shorter initial stays with a parent spending some time there is helpful, and often a standard part of a school’s/daycare’s introductory program for very young children.
• When leaving, give a quick kiss and hug and cheerfully say good-bye. Tell your child when you will be back, linking it to something concrete like “after nap” or “after snack.” Make sure you are, in fact, returning at this time. Never sneak out, as this undermines your child’s sense of trust.
• Don’t prolong your departure or come back several times.

If your child is experiencing intense separation anxiety

• Tell him or her that you understand that it can be hard at first to be away from those that he loves. You want to provide empathy and acceptance, but not excessive sympathy.
• Never make fun or reprimand a child for his struggles with separation
• Recall with your child previous challenges that he has dealt with by being brave. You can also reference a fictional character’s bravery from a movie or book that your child is familiar with.
• Role playing the experience of going to school, parting, and reuniting can be fun and reassuring.
• Provide a photo of Mom and/or Dad for your child to keep with him for extra comfort.
• If your child is in full-time day care, consider shortening his number of hours there until he makes a full adjustment.

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If you don’t already know Teatown, you might want to consider a little summer adventure trip to get acquainted:
Teatown Lake Reservation’s 875-acre nature preserve spans into three towns (Yorktown, Cortlandt and New Castle) located in the northwest section of Westchester County.  The property provides a unique glimpse of the biological diversity and fragile ecosystem of the entire Hudson Hills and Highlands bioregion. Visitors are awed by the beauty of the preserve, which includes streams, hardwood swamps, mixed forests, meadows, hemlock forests, laurel groves and a scenic gorge. There are nearly 15 miles of hiking trails marked throughout Teatown’s preserve for visitors to traverse and enjoy.  The trails are open daily from dawn to dusk, 365 days a year.  Teatown’s Nature Center houses nature education exhibits and a live animal collection of a variety of amphibians, reptiles, birds of prey, and mammals.  The Nature Center is open Tuesday through Sunday, 9:00am to 5:00pm. 

And along with all there is to do there, they also host a variety of great workshops and educational events!  Here’s a glimpse at what’s coming up:

Saturday, August 4, 7:30pm-9:00pm, Gone Batty.  Bats are amazing little mammals that help keep insect populations in check. Sadly New York’s bat populations are in peril.  Come learn about bats and the white-nose syndrome.  We’ll head outside at dusk to listen for bats with our bat-detector device. Please note this program is for families with children over 6-years-old. Free for members; $5pp for non-members. Call 914-762-2912 x110 to make a reservation.

Saturday, August 5, 10:00am-11:30am, Animals Incognito.  Camouflage plays an important role in nature, and for some animals it is their best defense against predators. Come meet some of Teatown’s most elusive critters. Afterwards we’ll take a short hike outside to play a game to test your cryptic capabilities! Free for members; $5pp for non-members. Call 914-762-2912 x110 to make a reservation.

Plein Air Painting Workshop.  August 6-10, 9:30am-12:30pm.  Spend a day or all week working alongside Teatown’s artist-in-residence, Melanie Kozol. Open to all students who have some familiarity with either oil painting, watercolors, pastels or drawing, this workshop uses the beautiful backdrop of Teatown as inspiration. Participants can choose to register for the day or the entire week. Class fees are $20/day or $75 for the week. Registration is open until July 30, 2012.
Call 914-762-2912 x110 to make a reservation.

Crow Play.  Saturday August 18, 1:00 pm-2:30 pm.  Did you know that crows are so intelligent that some refer to them as “flying monkeys?”  Come learn what makes these feathered bird brains tick by making crow enrichment toys with us. We’ll then take our creative inventions to their enclosure and watch how the crows interact with them. Free for members; $5pp for non-members. Call 914-762-2912 x110 to make a reservation.

Sunday, August 19, 1:00pm-2:30pm, Unbeatable Beaks.  A bird is a bird is a bird–right? Find out about the adaptations of some local birds by looking at what they eat and how they do it. This interactive program will have you skimming like a duck, sipping like a hummingbird, and pounding like a woodpecker. Free for members; $5pp for non-members. Call 914-762-2912 x110 to make a reservation.

Saturday, August 25, 10:00-11:30am, It’s Turtle Time!  Come meet Teatown’s turtle ambassadors, and all that’s involved in proper turtle care from enclosure size, design, heat, lights, diet etc. Come with questions or curiosity.  We’ll even head outdoors together for some enrichment with Clifford the tortoise. Free for members; $5pp for non-members. Call 914-762-2912 x110 to make a reservation.

Animal Adventures: Scavengers and Decomposers.  Sunday, August 26, 1:00–2:00pm.  Meet a few of Teatown’s animal ambassadors in this program featuring local scavengers. Free for members; $5 per child for non-members. Call 914-762-2912 x110 to make a reservation.

Visit www.teatown.org for more information.

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Summer is already underway and with camp in session just seven weeks of the year, now is the time to research sleepaway camps for next season.  Noting that a child could potentially spend the next 10+ years at a camp – a substantial period in a child’s life – parents should invest the time and energy for this serious commitment.  To experience some of the best summer camps in America, here are the “why” and “how” for visiting and selecting the right camp now.  WHY VISIT?  You cannot replicate what you observe and experience at summer camp versus watching a video, reading a brochure, receiving information by phone or meeting with a director in your home.  A significant number of families do this due diligence.  If you take time to visit, you have a longer planning cycle to get your child (and you) ready for camp. Families can wisely explore the area that they and their children may be spending the next several years – especially if there are siblings – and assess vacation destination possibilities…not to mention memories they will create!  WHY NOW?  Visiting summer camps is a time sensitive process.  Families can only see camp in operation seven weeks (and often opening and final weeks are closed to visits) – now is the time to book by phone or email and go!  Families should decide in the prior summer which camp they will choose so they are ready to book once enrollment periods open.  Many age groups fill by middle-to-end of September.  Some camps may offer added value benefits for touring and booking early.  HOW?  Ideally take a private – not group – tour so you can see as much of the camp as possible in action and get to clearly assess the camp and director(s).  Observe and chat with campers one-on-one who are close in age to your child now as well as those who are five+ years older since that’s whom your child may emulate and grow to resemble later.  Look at where your child will live.  You should overlook some bunk messiness but not poorly maintained facilities.  Learn about the quality and type of activities, instruction and programming.  Ascertain if programming is scheduled by the camp, chosen by the camper, or a mixture of the two.   Advice and tips are provided by Maine Camp Experience, a community of nearly 30 premier Maine Camps that have been dedicated to providing children with the highest quality summer camp experiences in the country for generations.  The website, www.mainecampexperience.com, is the one-stop shopping resource for all things camp and Maine – complete with a “personal guide” to assist you – where parents can learn about summer camps, and find everything they need to plan a fun and memorable visit to Maine with their children. Maine Camp Experience: info@mainecampexperience.com, 877 92 MAINE / 877-926-2463, www.mainecampexperience.com.

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Looking for a bucolic weekend getaway with friends and family this summer?
Two of the cottages on Glynwood’s property are available for weekend rentals from noon on Friday until Sunday at 6pm.  Take a hike on our beautiful 225 acres, visit our animals, see the gardens growing at Glynwood Farm, and enjoy the local sites and restaurants.   Appledore comfortably accommodates 5 people [$850 for the weekend] while the Old Farmhouse sleeps up to 12 [$2500 for the weekend] . Glynwood’s mission is to save farming by strengthening farm communities and regional food systems. Our goal is for small- and mid-sized farmers to thrive, on the land and in the marketplace.  For more information, availability and to make reservations, contact Michael Smith msmith@glynwood.org or by telephone 845-265-3338  x131.
Check it out at www.glynwood.org.

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Tie on your canvas hats and take the family on a summer safari at the Bronx Zoo. Journey to the Wild Forest to check out giant LEGO sculptures of tigers, flamingos, gorillas, and other exotic wildlife, then visit their real-life counterparts around the zoo. View new LEGO sculptures built especially for the Bronx Zoo, on view just outside Zoo Center’s rhinoceros exhibit in our Wild Forest area. Information on the featured animals and the work to conserve them is included in the displays. LEGO Build Zone: With thousands of colorful LEGO bricks to choose from, kids can create their own sculptures of animals and help complete a vibrant Mystery Mural display at Dancing Crane Plaza. We will also display visitors’ own LEGO creations on bookshelves for all to see.  LEGO Family Challenge: How long will it take you to build your favorite animal out of LEGO bricks? Join LEGO Master Builder Dan Steininger as you compete with other families to find out who is fastest! Dan will offer tips and challenge participants to build wild animals including poison dart frogs, giraffes, and more.  Dates & Times: July 21, 11:00 a.m.–4:00 p.m.; August 11, 11:00 a.m.–4:00 p.m.
Location: World of Reptiles lawn.  Find out more at www.bronxzoo.com.

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What is a summer without a trip to Red Rooster?! If you haven’t been, Red Rooster is a great “fast food” stop in Brewster (1566 Route 22, Brewster) — serving old fashioned burgers, hotdogs, fries, milk shakes, soft serve ice cream, etc. Red Rooster is a Westchester staple.  Not a “healthy” option if that’s what you are looking for — but yummy and a whole bunch of fun.  Sit outside at their picnic tables and enjoy a round of fun and silly mini-golf when you’re done.  Perfect for the 4 – 9 year old crowd.  Meet up with friends, play outside, and maybe even feel like you’ve spent the day somewhere totally new and just different.  The perfect recipe for a nutty little person looking to get out of the house.  Have fun!

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Looking for good summer reading? Want to meet your favorite authors and hear about their creative process? Want to learn more about the time period in which the story is set? Reading into History is a book club for young historians.   Each month families read a historical fiction book and participate in on-line discussions with authors, educators, and other families. Get ideas for discussion, ask authors questions, and respond to other book club members’ posts! At the end of each month families can attend a Book Wrap event, where they will share reactions to the book, see cool museum objects and documents related to the story, and meet other historical fiction fans! Ages 9-12. E-mail familyprograms@nyhistory.org or click here  for more information.

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Today we picked up the best new travel toy — it’s small, easy to pack and can be used inside and out.  Pack it in your purse, take it on a trip, or just use it for some rainy day fun. A simple concept, the Pocket Disc, is a soft crocheted disc for throwing — Frisbee style — but it is soft, so no worries about breaking things if throw in your house (or hotel room), packs up to nothing for throwing in your purse to take to the park or a friend’s party, and is easy to catch (no fears of it whacking someone in the nose and breaking it).  The perfect item for kids of all ages (or siblings who might get aggressive and throw it bit hard at their little brother’s head).  Check it out at The Pocket Disc, www.pocketdisc.com (some great ideas of games to play or alternate uses), or grab one right at Kelloggs & Lawrence, 26 Parkway, Katonah, NY 10536, (914) 232-3351, www.kelloggsandlawrence.com.  Enjoy!

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Working on a recap of all of the AMAZING information that we collected over the past month from our Promo contest and will get it all out to you in as short order as I can.  We had a great night last night — talking about parenting, Westchester, and life in general, as well as sharing ideas, things to do, advice, and more.  Thanks to all of the lovely ladies who came out for the goodies and company.  More to follow for those who want to get their information from the comfort of their lap-tops — we promise to share it all!

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Jessica Inglis in FIRST place for a prize of $250 — with a whopping 73 shares!
Heidi Cambareri in Second place for a prize of $150 — with 42 shares
Roberta Lasky in Third place for a prize of $100 — with 36 shares

Thanks to all of our participants — in the end we gathered a total of 215 bits of information — new classes, things to do, places to go and events galore to share with all of you.  AND we still get a night out Tuesday with the ladies.  Genius all around.  If anyone still wants in on the Ladies’ Night out on Tuesday, just let me know and I’ll get more wine!   You can give me your four bits of information at the door…

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It all started simply enough. An interest in a mom’s night out, a need to update and bulk up the site, and the desire to share my spiffy new design with more and more and more people.  Perhaps I was feeling greedy or maybe I just needed an excuse to go out with the ladies — but however it began, it’s awesome.  To date I have received 197 new ideas, suggestions, places to go, bits of news, events to cover, etc., etc. — all combined to make 197 ways that YOUR life will be better, easier or more fun with the kids!

So, come celebrate with me on June 12th as we enjoy some wine, cheese and other treats at Table Local Market in Bedford Hills.  (The market will not be open — so no pressure to buy, I promise).  Come for a VERY casual night — just some gals sitting around enjoying a few minutes out of their hectic spring schedules.

So, if you want to join, pop over HERE to register/rsvp.  Deadline for registration and submissions is this Sunday, June 10th at 12 midnight.

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If you have read my posts over the years, you know I am a “READER MOM” — I LOVE books, love reading to my kids, and push reading as often as I can.

Why?

A)  Reading makes kids smart.  It just does.  Their vocabulary increases, their comprehension increases, their attention span increases, and they are just different kids.  They sit still, they concentrate, and they understand in different ways.  Where’s the research back-up?  Well, it’s out there…I am just generalizing…but it’s good for them, trust me.

B)  Reading inflames kids’ imaginations.  It helps them reach into a new world, understand old worlds, and increase their interest in life around them — learning about other lifestyles, people and cultures.

C)  Reading keeps kids busy.  When reading, they are amusing themselves, they’re learning something, and they’re QUIET.  Honestly, what else could you ask for?

So this summer, whether your kids are great readers or mediocre ones, get them reading.  It will make trips easier, fill days when you hear “I’m bored” one too many times, and maybe it will even find you a quiet moment to read something yourself?!

Tips for getting non-readers excited:

1.  Find cozy reading spots — build a fort for reading in the house, take a blanket outside, or make a snugly spot in their room.

2.  Start small — if they find it hard to read, make reading time in small increments — set a timer if you have to, but have them sit quietly and be with whatever book they choose — whether it’s a picture book, a chapter book or a favorite cartoon.

3.  Pair reading with a snack if you need to — a little treat or a something to eat.  Feed the brain and the belly at the same time.  Make it special time.

4.  Read to or with them.  If they have trouble with the solitary aspect, pick a book you will both enjoy and get into it.  Let them help decide which book and when you will read it.  They may surprise you by loving the together time as much as the story.  Children of ALL ages love being read to and it makes it fun to have someone to talk to about the story.  My kids in particular love reading when Dad’s not home for dinner (I read, they sit at the table and eat) or at bed time.  They love getting into books together — chitter chattering about the story or acting out the characters or story in action later (only a slight problem last year when Hunger Games was part of the agenda and they wanted to play with their 2 year old nephews…but that’s a story for another day)

5.  If your child can’t sit still, read to them even while they are doing something else.  My 9 year old is a wiggly one — when he was a baby, I’d let him look at and hold board books while I read other stories to him, and he still prefers to be hanging upside down from the rafters while I read to him — but when I quiz him later, he’s still listening — and he has absolutely developed a love of reading along the way.  Sometimes he reads upside down on the couch, but he READS, and reads everything he can get his hands on!  Persevere.

And the most important advice?

Find good books.  And here’s the plug (based on really loving it, not paid advertising) — go to Little Joe’s books in Katonah — ASK for recommendations.  The staff (find Genevieve) is really knowledgeable, knows kids, and knows books.  She will find the perfect fit for your reader and you will find yourself going back over and over.  She recently started an “A-team” of kids who will preview books and make recommendations — so that books will also be kid-tested and approved!  Get in there and get started.  Location and details:  www.littlejoesbooks.com

Little Joe’s recent A-Team meeting

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So, Jessica is my new BFF.  She’s one of those moms who knows everything.  And she’s been sharing everything with me!  Here are some things she knew about this week:

Pleasantville Music Festival.  Join us on Saturday, July 14 for the 8th Annual Pleasantville Music Festival!  Nationally recognized musicians as well as Hudson Valley and Tri-state area favorites, including The English Beat, Good Old War, Delta Spirit and Sloan Wainwright, will perform on 3-stages filling the air with music from Noon until 8:30 P.M. Check out the performer’s page for a full list and stage times.  Forty vendors and exhibitors offer great food, beverages, tasty treats, crafts, public service information and more. A fantastic kids’ fun area, includes free face painting, games and “Miss Patty” Hupp playing their favorites.  Westchester’s own Captain Lawrence Brewery and Pleasantville’s Prospero Winery pour their best in the Festival Garden.   Visit www.pleasantvillemusicfestival.com.

75th Annual Strawberry Festival at The Church of St. Mary the Virgin, located at 191 S. Greeley Avenue, Chappaqua.  Saturday, June 9, from 11am – 4pm.  Funds raised go to support local charities.  Strawberry shortcake ice cream, whipped cream, cotton candy, hotdogs, burgers, and more will be available throughout the day.  Kids games, bouncy castle, face painting, and more fun for all.  Vendors will be on site selling crafts, jewelry, clothes, etc.  Live music.  Fun for all!

Benefit night at Ben and Jerry’s Mt Kisco.  From 4 – 9pm on June 6th come to Ben & Jerry’s for music, balloon animals, and to support Hope’s Door women’s shelter.  25% of all proceeds will be donated to the shelter.  Bring lightly used baby monitors, clocks, pots, and pans for shelter residents while you’re at it! Hope’s Door, formerly The Northern Westchester Shelter, is a private non-profit organization, which was founded in 1980 to provide a safe haven and caring services to survivors of domestic violence. Our mission: Hope’s Door seeks to end domestic violence and to empower victims to achieve safety, independence and healing from the trauma of abuse. For more information, visit www.northernwestchestershelter.org.

12th Annual Golfing for Kids.  Join us on June 5, 2012 for our golf outing to benefit children with autism and other developmental disabilities served by Arc of Westchester’s Children’s School for Early Development.  Your Day Of Golf Includes:  Registration & Continental Breakfast, Shotgun Tee Time (lunch on course),     Cocktails, Awards Dinner.  Visit www.westchesterarc.org.

Sing-A-Long & S’MORES. Calling all friends and neighbors…COME JOIN THE FUN!   Thursday, June 21, 6:30 pm until 8:00pm, Shelter at the Katonah Memorial Park.  Raindate: Saturday, June 23th at 6:30 pm.  The Katonah Memorial Park Association is hosting the very popular “S’Mores Night” fundraising event on Thursday, June 23rd from 6:30 pm until 8:00 pm at the Katonah Memorial Park shelter.  Musical entertainment featuring the Differents, a very talented local acoustic trio, will be performing inspired renditions from the 60s through the present. It will be a great evening of music for all ages!  For information, please call KMPA President Anne Hanley at 232-8017.  S’Mores making kits and cold drinks will be available for sale. All proceeds will go towards the ongoing efforts to refurbish the Katonah shelter.

Serendipity Horsing Around for Charity.  June 17, 2012, 1pm to 5:30pm.  Greenwich Polo Club, Conyers Farm, Greenwich, CT.  Come celebrate Father’s Day with an afternoon of family fun!  Delicious food, BBQ experts, live music, fabulous wines, microbrews, face-painters, kids’ activities, exclusive shopping and a musical performance by The Short Bus.  Plus, a “Crazy Pants” competition. Show off your crazy pants to win  prizes.  Advance tickets $40, at the door $45 (children 12 and under are free).  For more information or to buy tickets, go to www.serendipitysocial.com.  All event proceeds will benefit Pegasus Therapeutic Riding.  Pegasus is a nonprofit providing equine-assisted activities and therapies to more than 225 children and adults with physical, cognitive and emotional disabilities.  Visit www.pegasustr.org.

Oh, plus she’s “liked” some posts on facebook, shared my newsletter with her friends, and emailed me some nice notes about things she enjoys — like www.bedfordartsmusic.com and www.worldcupgymnastics.com.  Doesn’t take much to get on my good side!

If YOU think you’re the “in the know mom” give Jessica some competition!  She’s definitely in the lead for the first place PRIZE of $250 — but there’s still room for others — and if you don’t make the top three — guess what?  You still get to attend our ladies’ night out and enjoy a FREE wine and cheese party at Table Local Market.  Don’t you deserve a fun night out after making it to all of your kids’ concerts, games, and field trips this month?????

Click here to find out more

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FIG & OLIVE Introduces Kids Menu that Caters to Quality Ingredients, Five kid’s meal favorites with a healthy, gourmet twist.  FIG & OLIVE, one of New York’s premier restaurants with a location in Scarsdale, has introduced its first kid’s menu.  FIG & OLIVE has become a favorite dining destination of food lovers throughout Westchester County who value quality ingredients, flavorful dishes, and comfortable ambiance.  FIG & OLIVE boasts a selection of more than 30 extra virgin olive oils from throughout the Mediterranean. The kid’s menu was created under the restaurant’s philosophy that extra virgin olive oil better accentuates food’s natural flavor than butter and offers five kid’s meal classics with a gourmet twist.  Chicken Fingers, a kid’s menu must-have, are lightly breaded and served with tomato basil dip and skinny fries. F+O Pizza is served margherita-style with fresh tomato, basil, and mozzarella on a fine puff pastry rather than the standard cheese pizza found on most traditional kid’s menus. Mac & Cheese, a signature kid’s dish and the only one that uses butter in lieu of olive oil, is made with Spanish macaroni, rosemary braised ham, béchamel, and gratin with gruyere cheese.  Additional menu choices include Fish Croquettes made of lightly breaded lemon sole, and Penne Pasta with chicken or shrimp.  FIG & OLIVE is located in the Vernon Hills Shopping Center, 696 White Plains Road, Scarsdale, N.Y.  For more information, please visit www.figandolive.com or call 914-725-2900.

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One of my favorite happenings of the summer season.  Grab a picnic dinner, a blanket, and a good summer attitude and head over to the Katonah Museum for Shades of Jazz. All ages are invited — kids are welcome, though please consider your kids and your own tolerance as you consider whether it’s for you — this is an adult event that is kid friendly, not a kid event — know the difference I mean?

Shades of Jazz at the Katonah Museum of Art
Wednesdays, June 13th, August 1st, August 15th from 6:30-8:30pm.  June 13th – Cyrille Aimée; August 1st – John Scofield Trio; August 15th  – Lenny Pickett with the Borneo Horns.  Where:  The Katonah Museum of Art Sculpture Garden, 134 Jay Street/Route 22, Katonah.  Price:  $10 for members/$20 for non-members.  Description:  Legendary guitarist John Scofield brings together some of today’s brightest talents in the jazz music community to join him in celebrating the seventh season of Shades of Jazz. Music lovers of all ages are invited to pack blankets, chairs, and picnic dinners and head to the Museum’s Sculpture Garden for summer evenings of great music under the stars. The gates open at 6pm for picnicking, and beer and wine will be provided. In the event of rain, the show will move to the Katonah Village Library.  Sponsored by the Blue Note Jazz Festival; Susan & John Scofield; Sylvia Smolensky & Steven Silberstang; Fountainhead Wines.  Tickets & Info:  (914) 232-9555, ext. 0, www.katonahmuseum.org.

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If you haven’t already seen this on a friend’s facebook page, please check out this news story about a 15 year old who went missing in White Plains this weekend.  Always worth sharing in case his face sparks recognition somewhere.   Click here to read more.

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If you and the kids are headed off in the family truckster for the long weekend and are looking to avoid
having your car smell like a fast food factory, consider a healthier option.

I just stopped at Table Local Market in Bedford Hills — disclaimer, my husband is the co-owner/manager — so glowing reviews of his cuteness aside, I wanted to see if I could stock up on snacks the kids would actually eat in the car and over the weekend that have no ingredients I can’t pronounce. The procuring of these items is easy, whether the kids eat them or not, another story — so I was picky and here’s what I came up with (with the full statement that just because we own a gourmet market, our kids still prefer a bag of Doritos any day, and to be honest, so do I, so the choices below are not for super-kids, they are for real kids).

These are the things I think I can sneak by them…

1.  “P-Nutty Chip” Baked Granola by Healthy Home Foods.  Ingredients: gluten free oats, freshly ground peanut butter, maple syrup, flax meal, coconut oil, maple powder, dairy free chocolate chips, vanilla, salt.  Now that sounds super boring, but I GUARANTEE the taste — I opened them in doubt and holy you know what they’re soooo delicious!  Oh, and they are made by a mom in Pound Ridge — double the treat!

2. North Fork Potato Chips.  Ingredients: potatoes, sunflower oil, salt, sugar, molasses powder, tomato powder, vinegar powder, spices, onion powder, natural flavor, extractives of paprika.  Crispy, crunchy, delicious.  We especially like the barbeque flavor at our house.

3. Belmont Peanuts.  Ingredients: peanuts, canola oil, salt.  These are the freshest tasting, crunchy peanuts I’ve ever had.  You may say, how can it really matter — peanuts are peanuts, but they’re just not.  These are huge and so full of taste.

4. Wild Rice Snack Sticks. Ingredients: unbleached white flour, wild rice, canola oil, salt, tumeric.  A great tasting snack to put out between meals or at cocktail hour for the mamas.  Mix with the peanuts and you’re on your way to fancy living.

5. Baked goods.  Check out the “sweet side” of Table with fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, brownies, lemon squares, pumpkin bread….and so much more.  They may not be a slimmer for your waist but they are a whole lot healthier for your body!

Happy traveling (or staycationing) to all!!!  Be safe, be happy, be together.

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Sitting in the driveway of my mother’s house after a weekend visit, on the way home to my own kids, on the day that my oldest niece is graduating from college. The life circle is feeling very close today and the relationships in my life are feeling very important. So, whether you celebrate mother’s day in a big way or if you just sit outside with your kids and get an extra kiss…enjoy the day and feel yourself in it wherever you are. The mother child relationship is strong and true and there is nothing in the world like it. Feel it today and let it make you happy or serene or whatever you feel. Hug the kids, your mother, your friends, or your family close, and thank yourself for giving in to being a mom and taking on the most amazing, scary, wonderful job there is.
All the best on this special day.
Gretchen

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I know it seems early, but Memorial Day weekend is coming up fast, and if your school district, like mine, has given you that extra snow day back, you are in for a four day weekend.  Why not plan for something fun and different?  If you have adventure on your mind, and if you have kids of that certain age — and are of the male gender, not to be sexist — but there really is a certain something for boys that dinosaurs just make them nuts! — check out this new dinosaur park opening in New Jersey!  Disclaimer that I haven’t been there, and have only heard/read about it — but if you have a Dino-obsessed little person, it certainly looks like the place to be.

From their web site, www.fieldstationdinosaurs.com:
Field Station: Dinosaurs is a world-class family attraction that combines cutting-edge science with the creative minds of great artists to create a one-of-kind experience that’s thrilling, educational and fun.  Set against the breathtaking natural backdrop of the New Jersey Meadowlands and nestled at the base of a 150 million year old rock formation, the Field Station is an oasis of natural wonder just nine minutes from New York City. Over thirty life-sized, realistic dinosaurs (including the 90 foot long Argentinasaurus, the largest animatronic dinosaur ever made) come to life thanks to the brilliant engineering of the world’s leading roboticists and the imagination of our artists.  And at the center of it all is the fun, the joy and the wonder of dinosaurs. Our expedition takes every family on a shared adventure – full of mystery, surprise and a sense of awe.  Opening Day May 26, 2012.

Check it out at www.fieldstationdinosaurs.com.  And if you go, be sure to let us at EssentialMom know what you thought!  I would love to hear if it is as cool as it looks!

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I am a children’s book freak.  I love them, I read them, and I only wish I could write them.  Maurice Sendak died today, and in him we mourn the hero of many parents the world over who used his books to get those extra snuggles or to calm those night-time fears.

In our house we use books to explain fears, to talk about issues, to snuggle that one extra minute, or to allow ourselves to experience new things or understand old.    I know that sounds crazy, but it’s just the way we function.  Over the years, I have found books that taught us to love to read, that talk about using the potty, wetting the bed, introducing new siblings, going to sleep, going to nursery school, starting kindergarten, bullies, middle school fears, how to be a friend, how to lose a family member, take care of the environment, or take a risk…it’s all there in books and ready to be discussed.  Sometimes it’s a chance comment, sometimes it sparks a bigger discussion, and sometimes it’s just affirmation that other kids go through the same things.  If it’s in a book, it must be real for at least one other person.

I still read to my kids at 12 and 9 years old — and some of the best nights are those when the three of us climb in my bed,  burrow way under the covers and fall into an imaginary place and time while we giggle or cry or just snuggle.  Kids are never too old to be read to, they never get tired of hearing your voice, and they certainly never complain when you read ONE MORE CHAPTER, PLEASE!  It’s the one time when the world outside, the world of your every day, can disappear — to turn off the electronics, ignore the phone, and just be together — it’s no wonder they like it.  It’s you, and it’s lovely.

Today in honor of one who wrote books so well, I say go make mischief of one kind – and another…or I’ll eat you up.  Find an old favorite, skip a chore you don’t care about doing, and read to them.
Oh, and if you didn’t think I was serious about the books for every occasion…try me…

On going to bed…
Kiss Good Night by Amy Hest
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
Sweet Dream Pie by Audrey Wood & Mark Teague
How Do Dinosaurs Say Good Night? by Jane Yolen and Mark Teague
Tell Me Something Happy Before I Go To Sleep by Joyce Dunbar and Debi Gliori
The Napping House by Audrey Wood

Being sick/going to the doctor…
How Do Dinosaurs Get Well Soon? by Jane Yolen & Mark Teague
Felix Feels Better by Rosemary Wells

Clean up your room!
Pigsty by Mark Teague
Max Cleans Up by Rosemary Wells
Just A Mess by Mercer Mayer

Potty training…
Do Little Mermaids Wet Their Beds? by Jeanne Willis
Potty! by Mylo Freeman
Underwear! by Mary Elise Monsell and Lynn Munsinger

Eat your vegetables!
Little Pea by Amy Krouse Rosenthal

Getting rid of blanket, etc…
Owen by Kevin Henkes

New baby/Siblings
Ebb and Flo and the New Friend by Jane Simmons
Daisy and the Egg by Jane Simmons
No More Kissing by Emma Chichester Clark
I Love You the Purplest by Barbara M. Joosse
Tell Me What It’s Like to Be Big by Joyce Dunbar and Debi Gliori
The New Baby by Mercer Mayer
Just Me and My Little Brother by Mercer Mayer

School Fears…
I Am NOT Going To School Today by Robie H. Harris
My First Day at Nursery School by Becky Edwards
Kindergarten Rocks! by Katie Davis
It’s Hard to be Five by Jamie Lee Curtis & Laura Cornell
Mrs Watson Wants Your Teeth by Alison McGhee
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
Scaredy Squirrel Makes a Friend by Melanie Watt

Being different…
The Ugly Pumpkin by Dave Horowitz
The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes by Du Bose Heyward
Tacky the Penguin by Helen Lester
Porcupining, A Prickly Love Story by Lisa Wheeler
Gus and Button by Saxton Freymann and Joost Elffers
Giraffes Can’t Dance by Giles Andreae and Guy Parker-Rees
Hector the Hermit Crab by Katie Boyce

Understanding Moods/Feelings/Grief…
When Mommy Was Mad by Lynne Jonell
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
Sad Isn’t Bad by Michaelene Mundy (Grief and loss)
What’s Heaven? by Maria Shriver
Mad Isn’t Bad by Michaelene Mundy
Grandad’s Prayers of the Earth by Douglas Wood (loss/grief)
The Worry Stone by Marianna Dengler
Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert
When Bad Things Happen by Ted O’Neal and R.W. Alley
I Was So Mad by Mercer Mayer
I Love You Because You’re You by Liza Baker

Middle Readers
Flush, Scat, Hoot or Chomp by Carl Hiaasen (caring for the environment)
Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life by James Patterson and Chris Tibbetts
Fourth Stall by Chris Rylander (Bullying)
Bystander by James Preller (Bullying)
Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life by Wendy Mass (grief)
Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech (grief/loss)
The Children Who Lived: Using Harry Potter and Other Fictional Characters to Help Grieving Children and Adolescents by Kathryn A. Markell (for parents)

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We are about a week into the Promo & Party contest and at least 7 of you are coming for free wine and cheese at Table Local Market on June 12th.  BUT it’s not too late — the current first place contender sent all of her emails in ONE DAY — and we still have over a month left in the contest!  Get registered and start forwarding your emails, your ideas, and liking us on facebook — you can hit the number one spot in NO time.  Check the Leaderboard and get in on the action!!!! And to the ladies who have joined us so far — great work and keep the info coming!  By the way, Southern Westchester ladies — we NEED you and want your information, help us to make Essentialmom better and more pertinent for you.

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I have a friend who is the ultimate gifter when it comes to hostess gifts.  She always has the perfect little thing and always remembers to say thank you.  I think I always remember to say thank you, but I never have the perfect little thing.  Honestly, it’s usually because I am super lazy and never think ahead.  Gifting has never been a strong suit and hostess gifts are really beyond my realm.  Anyway, my husband was in the city yesterday (luckily for our friends, he’s actually a good shopper) and brought home the cutest hostess gift wine tags for us to have waiting for those nights when I forget to get a gift and we have to do the “just go get a bottle of wine from the basement to take”.  Gorgeous and simple letter press wine tags with a to/from on one side, and a saying on the other.  They’re funny, but pretty and simple, and if I can’t remember to bring a bottle of wine with a tag at the very least, well, something is amiss.

Sayings include such clever bits as You’re welcome.  Let’s drink.; Tell me you have something to open this.; My wallet says this is the best wine money can buy.; It was this or boxed wine.; It’s red.  All you need to know.  Maybe not for a classy party — but a fun night over at a friend’s house, definitely.  Luckily they sell a 12 pack, so you can just put them in a drawer and take them out when needed.

The company is 9spotmonk, www.9spotmonk.com, and they also offer some good looking kids stuff, note-cards, and notebooks.

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I just happened to be listening to the radio today and heard about an upcoming event featuring one of my idols in the world — Dr. Marissa Weiss.  Dr. Weiss is the founder of an amazing resource, www.breastcancer.org, and is one of the most inspiring and committed people I have had the chance to meet over the years.  I crossed paths with her a few years back and have watched her work from afar as the years have gone on, committing herself to not only the treatment of breast cancer, but to ways to actually affect the lives of people in treatment, recovering, or simply trying to prevent breast cancer.  Breastcancer.org provides resources for people newly diagnosed with breast cancer, for those who simply want to know what they can do to prevent cancer, and the latest in research and education around related issues.

Her most recent initiative, Think Pink, Live Green, is “a way of living that aims to help women reduce their risk of breast cancer or the disease coming back in survivors. It’s also a way for women living with advanced disease to make the healthiest choices possible.”  She provides articles on healthy eating, chemicals to avoid, and healthy lifestyle choices.  A great read whether you consider yourself a risk for breast cancer or not. Click here to read more.

If this seems up your alley, Dr. Weiss will be speaking at Hudson Valley Hospital Center on April 25th!  Read below for details and event information.

Organic Garden at HVHC

The Organic Garden for Healing at Hudson Valley Hospital Center is almost ready for its grand opening on April 25 with more than a dozen volunteers preparing the ground for planting.  Volunteers from Kohl’s department store, Eisai Oncology and Hospital staff worked from afternoon till sundown on April 17 moving topsoil and compost into the garden. The Organic Garden for Healing, part of the Hospital’s Cheryl R. Lindenbaum Cancer Center, will hold two special events on April 25 to dedicate the garden. The day’s events will start at 8:30 with a breakfast presentation featuring special guest speaker Dr. Marisa Weiss, President and Founder of Breastcancer.org followed by a dedication of the garden at 11 a.m.

Organic Garden for Healing will serve as the classroom for Hudson Valley Hospital Center’s Seeds for Health program, an educational and therapeutic program for cancer patients and their families. The program stresses the importance of nutrition in healing and the therapeutic value of gardening in managing stress and reducing anxiety. The program draws its inspiration from “Think Pink, Live Green.”  The brain child of Dr. Weiss, “Think Pink, Live Green” stresses the importance of lifestyle changes, including healthier eating, as a way to help prevent breast cancer and improve the health of those already diagnosed with the disease.

The Hospital approached Stone Barns Center for Food and Agriculture, a leader in the farm to table movement, to help plan the garden. Other partners include Shades of Green owner Myra Marsocci who designed the garden; Dain’s Lumber; Griffin Landscaping, Kohl’s department store; Peekskill Middle School and the engineering staff of Hudson Valley Hospital Center with special thanks to Sal DeMaio; Frank Garzione and Joe Smith for building the garden.

For more information or to register for Dr. Weiss’ presentation, call 914-734-3794 or register online.

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And they’re off! Congrats to the brave (and crazy) folks out on the trails of ward pound ridge reservation tackling the water, hills, mud flats and cold.

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Gearing up for the Leatherman’s Loop weekend here at the Menzies — no, please don’t get me wrong, I am not running it.  All these running and race posts are going to give you the wrong idea.  But this time of year, the races, the itch to get outside and shed those winter sweaters (and pounds) and you would think I actually exercise.  Anyway, there are a ton of WONDERFUL events coming up this weekend in support of Earth day Saturday and Sunday, and one of my favorites, which happens to coincide with Earth Day this year is the running of the Leatherman’s Loop this weekend.  My husband runs it, as do many of our courageous and fit friends — a test of wills, a day of mud, and a tired but spiritually lifted group at the end of the race.  If you are running it, my wishes of luck go out to you…if you aren’t, come cheer them on — it’s a beautiful race, a great way to get out and support the Ward Pound Ridge Reservation, and just a generally fun and crazy day in Westchester.  By the way, the race is full, but you can find out more about it here at www.leathermansloop.org if you are curious.

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Up early at the Menzies house this morning to get to the run for the hills race. A great morning, luckily followed by a treat at Table Local Market in Bedford Hills – fresh baked donuts! What’s your flavor – lemon cream or jelly filled? Cider? Even if you didn’t run the hills, stop by after whatever sports your kids played this morning and treat yourself. It made the run worth it!

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As the spring sports ramp up this weekend, I am having some thoughts back to a lecture I attended as part of the Rippowam Cisqua School Foundations of Education series a few months ago.  I am sure this won’t make me popular with some, but these are just some items to think about as you make your own family decisions over the next few weeks.

The presenter was Richard Ginsburg, Co-Director of the Massachusetts General Hospital PACES Institute of Sports Psychology, and faculty member of the Harvard Medical School, who shared his insights on how to get the most out of athletics.  Ginsburg is the co-author of Who’s Game is it Anyway?  if you are looking for a full read, or for a shorter intro piece check out this article on teaching kids to enjoy sports.

Some interesting take-aways I took note of follow below…

On college financial aide and athletics:

– Of those kids who play varsity athletics in high school, only approximately 5% go on to play in college.
– Less than 1% of those kids get a sports scholarship — with the average scholarship being $10,000.  Consider how much you spend on sports lessons, equipment and team fees each year.
– Academic performance is a better predictor of college acceptance than any after-school activities or sport.

On sport specialization and injuries at young ages:

– The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) claims that specialization in one sport can jeopardize the physical and emotional health of young athletes by exposing them to over-use injury, burnout, and stress, while undermining the benefits of varied physical activity.  Up to 50% of the injuries seen in pediatric sports medical clinics is due to overuse.
– Concussions: brains of younger athletes are more vulnerable to the effects of injury.  There is an increased likelihood of secondary concussions after getting one concussion.  Researchers have found links to depression, sleep privation, and a decrease in cognitive functioning that can cause short and long-term consequences. Read more about concussions from the American Academy of Pediatrics

A three step approach to judging your child’s athletic engagement:

1. Know your child.  Who are they, what is their age and what is appropriate for that age, what is their motivation and temperament.

2. Know yourself.  What is your motivation to have them play sports?  What were your childhood issues or fears?

3. Know your child’s environment.  Who is the coach, and what is their temperament and philosophy — do you agree with it?  When, how, and where does the sport fit into your lifestyle?  How does it affect you and your child and their schedule/homework/school days?  Does it fit?

And some hints on how to parent in sports effectively and with optimal health:

1. Use a 5:1 ratio of accurate praise — praise 5 times first to the 1 criticism

2. Avoid post-game criticism for 24 hours

3. Instead of “Did you win or score?” as your first question post game, ask “How was it?”

4. Kids are not mini-adults.  They should not be coached or judged as such.

5. Talent develops well into late teens — Michael Jordan was cut from basketball in tenth grade.  Consider your child and whether they are just not ready.

6. Make sure your child is the one who wants to play.  Is he/she happy going to practice? Happy after? Watch and listen.

7. Recognize when it’s time to step back from the game. Listen to what the coach is saying.

8. Be aware of the pressures that the coach is under too – respect their job and their opinions.  Especially those who are VOLUNTEERING!

9. FUN and JOY are the best predictors for success and long-term benefits.

So — that all said, enjoy your tennis star, your laxer, or your little pitcher — but try to keep it light, fun, and to the point.  Sports should be about exercise, getting outside, socializing on a team or any myriad of other healthy choices — if little Joey isn’t a star yet, give him some time and space to develop his interests, abilities, and grow.  If you burn them out at 5 you may have lost your chance for good. Have fun and enjoy those green fields!

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I was asked to review a product recently — Crispy Green and Fruitzio snacks — and I’ll admit that I almost said, no thanks, because I don’t usually like dried fruit snacks — but I was pleasantly surprised when I got these and popped them in my mouth (while dreading a lack of flavor and that styrofoam feeling).  These snacks were the exact opposite — they had a GREAT taste, a good crunch, and tons of flavor.  They are also nut free, Kosher, dairy free, gluten free, preservative free, and have no added sugar, sweeteners or additives!  100% freeze-dried fruit slices that are made of real fruit and nothing else.  Shocking right?  You can actually feed them to any kid that comes over, throw them in your purse for emergency snacking and be good to go.  Kind of gross to think of it in these terms, but the bags are small, super light, and reseal — so even less mess than a box of crackers and oh, so much better for you.  And when you steal them from your kids for your own snacking emergency — they come in bags of 100 calories and they’re the good calories, not the ones that sit on your thighs — the kind that have actual vitamins and healthy bits!  Check it out, www.crispygreen.com, definitely worth an order.

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Feeling super-squishy emotionally this morning.  The spring sun is shining on the daffodils outside of my window, the pictures on the web site are reminding me of sunny days and cute kiddy-smiles and I am basking in the glow of some very kind comments about the site over the last few days, so I wanted to just send a little shout out to all of you who have taken the time this week to encourage me, who have listened to my complaints over the last few years or who have taken the time to preview the site changes for me and to help with my decisions.  I am a lucky, lucky gal and am blessed with so many friends, family members, and colleagues who look out for me and help me in this work I do — which I can only hope in turn helps my readers to make their lives easier, more enjoyable, and happier as we all face the special joys and challenges that are parenting.  Thanks to all for the wonderful responses and for helping to make Essentialmom.com the best it can be.  And yes, I promise to get over myself and how fantastic I think this new site is…shortly…just let me bask a few minutes longer.

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I have spent the last three years dreaming of the day when I could get rid of the last incarnation of this site — and have n0w found my dream team — a beautiful thing called WordPress, a fellow named Jonathan Spooner, and the good people at Local Yokel Media, paired with one fantastic lady in Ohio.  We’ve arrived in record time, with less money spent and a very, very happy EssentialMom.com owner.  Ahhhhh.

We hope you will be as happy with the results — be sure to check out the calendar, our things to do, a full list of schools, camps, and more, local resources, museums, theaters, after-school programs, school news….and MORE, MORE, MORE.  Be sure to email us (gretchen@essentialmom.com) about events happening at your schools, in your communities or around town, or let us know about special openings, businesses, and fun.  We are here to help you, your family, and your local community, and are committed to making Westchester County an even more special place to live.

Join us as we continue the adventure that is Essentialmom.com — with your help and your knowledge, we will continue to be the one stop shop for EVERYTHING that parents in Westchester need to know.

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My ‘baby’ is about to have a baby. In my pre-mommy days I worked as a social worker at a high school in the Bronx and I had one student that I just knew was mine. There were lots that I loved. So many who stole my heart and kept me up late at night worrying that they’d be OK. That they would be safe and happy and successful. But there was always one that made me hold my breath. She made me protective and proud and I knew she was somehow mine to look over.

When she graduated from high school I was there to watch. When she graduated from college I cried with her mother, tears of joy and happiness at a job well done and of a life well on the road. She took a job in finance and when she called me to say she was going into the nonprofit field I told her not to. She said, what? That’s what you did – and it makes me happy. So, I congratulated her. When she called to say she was getting married, I said what are you thinking? You’re too young, and she said, I’m the same age you were! I said he better love you. I cried at the wedding and watched this man look at this woman and I knew that he did. Years later and I got the call she was going to have a baby and I said WHAT?! You’re too young. And of course she is not.

And any day now she will have this baby and I honestly can’t believe it. I know she is going to love that baby to pieces and she is going to cry and suffer and love every second. She will laugh and cry and scream and shout. Because that’s what it is to be a mom. It is love and pain, and it’s the future. It’s beautiful and horrible and everything in between. I don’t know what to say to my ‘baby’ other than good luck, find peace and do your best. Is there more? Love them, care for them, watch out for them, steer them…but most often do your best.  This new mother was my first baby. The first one I let get in my heart and scare me. And I can’t wait to watch as she loses her heart to this little life. It is the best pain you will ever face. It is everything you are afraid of, everything you hold dear, and everything you love packaged in the most terrifying bundle of need you will ever experience. Snuggle him. But call me when you can’t. Make rules for him, but call me when you don’t want to. Love him, but call me when you don’t like him. Because there will be those times, and as much as you love that baby he will make you crazy and frightened and miserable to tears because you know you can’t possibly love someone so much that their every breath, sigh or look means the very essence of your being.

All of my thoughts and wishes are going out to the new moms out there today as I remember what it felt like in those early days.  There’s nothing like it.  My heart is full to brimming with memories of holding my own babies, of the wonder, the smell and the feel of those first snuggles.

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With spring coming early this year, thoughts of Easter have already popped into my head, and with the help of my favorite Milkshake Kids newsletter this morning, I have a sudden craving to decorate Easter eggs.

Check out these colorful, environmentally and kid-friendly egg decorating kits. And while you are at it, I also love this company’s eco-friendly crayons, dough, glue, etc. They make beautiful products that are fun to use and safe for kids.

Eco-eggs! Made with natural and organic fruit, plant and vegetable extracts from annatto seed, curcumin, purple sweet potato and red cabbage. Includes color chart and instructions. Please visit fun stuff on our website for printable activity sheets, eco-eggs creature cutouts and how-to videos. 3 natural dyes (orange, blue and purple), a color chart for creating 6 colors.

Visit www.ecokidsusa.com.

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My sixth grade son and I have been involved in a mother-son book club for the past two years — a friend set it up with a group of kids from his fifth grade class last year and I am totally in love with the whole experience.  The kids are beyond cute, the books are good, and we sneakily talk about issues as a group that are touching on all of our lives – a little bit of bullying in The Bystander, mental illness in Small as an Elephant, the meaning of life! in Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life, crime and punishment in Al Capone Does My Shirts, war and human relations in Cracker, sports and integrity in The Rivalry, and the list goes on.  We meet once a month in the evening and a different family “hosts” each time taking the pressure off any one person to perform every month.  We offer a snack related to the book (the kids are always ravenous), rate the book, and the host comes up with a few questions for the group (usually stollen off of the internet at the last moment before the kids show up).  The host is also asked to propose some books to the group for the next choice and the kids and moms then vote on the book — the local young adult librarian being the best friend of all of the moms as she often just gives a few suggestions and off we go!  The whole thing is done in an hour, we cover great ground, the kids and moms engage in the discussions, have a great time, and everyone feels good about the day!  I highly suggest the experience and have to tell you that I now read so many of their books that I have a hard time finding my own!  It’s a great way to talk to the boys, a wonderful way to bring up issues, and a perfect way to touch in with your child’s contemporaries and see what they are up to.  As the kids age, it’s a comfortable and safe place to air their worries and to find a voice with their friends and even with their friends’ parents that is comfortable.

So, if I haven’t sold you yet on setting up your own group, you’re crazy…go find those moms you like, find a group of like-minded kids and get started.  I promise it is more fun than work.  Also, I recently found an amazing resource on line (while searching my discussion questions for the book!) — created by two Westchester moms, no-less, called www.sweetonbooks.com, where you can find recommendations, reviews, and gasp — reading questions for all ages and interests, so the work is nearly done for you.

Happy reading!

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My sixth grade son and I have been involved in a mother-son book club for the past two years — a friend set it up with a group of kids from his fifth grade class last year and I am totally in love with the whole experience.  The kids are beyond cute, the books are good, and we sneakily talk about issues as a group that are touching on all of our lives – a little bit of bullying in The Bystander, mental illness in Small as an Elephant, the meaning of life! in Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life, crime and punishment in Al Capone Does My Shirts, war and human relations in Cracker, sports and integrity in The Rivalry, and the list goes on.  We meet once a month in the evening and a different family “hosts” each time taking the pressure off any one person to perform every month.  We offer a snack related to the book (the kids are always ravenous), rate the book, and the host comes up with a few questions for the group (usually stollen off of the internet at the last moment before the kids show up).  The host is also asked to propose some books to the group for the next choice and the kids and moms then vote on the book — the local young adult librarian being the best friend of all of the moms as she often just gives a few suggestions and off we go!  The whole thing is done in an hour, we cover great ground, the kids and moms engage in the discussions, have a great time, and everyone feels good about the day!  I highly suggest the experience and have to tell you that I now read so many of their books that I have a hard time finding my own!  It’s a great way to talk to the boys, a wonderful way to bring up issues, and a perfect way to touch in with your child’s contemporaries and see what they are up to.  As the kids age, it’s a comfortable and safe place to air their worries and to find a voice with their friends and even with their friends’ parents that is comfortable.

So, if I haven’t sold you yet on setting up your own group, you’re crazy…go find those moms you like, find a group of like-minded kids and get started.  I promise it is more fun than work.  Also, I recently found an amazing resource on line (while searching my discussion questions for the book!) — created by two Westchester moms, no-less, called www.sweetonbooks.com, where you can find recommendations, reviews, and gasp — reading questions for all ages and interests, so the work is nearly done for you.

Happy reading!

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Wow. Today was the best day I’ve had in a while.  Thank you to my ladies for following me around the trails at the Butler Nature Preserve in Mount Kisco – a gorgeous backwoods adventure, and to one of the ladies for bagels in the park after — what a total treat.  I came home, opened all of the windows to let the stale winter air OUT, sat outside making calls to my mama, emailed some folks, and soaked in the sun.  No newsletter today, but a very healthy, happy Essentialmom.  Back to work tomorrow.  For now, you’ll just have to settle for a little slice of my day….hope yours were wonderful too.  If not, go breathe in some of that air now — wherever you need to be can wait five minutes while you get a little fresh air.  It makes all of the difference in the world.

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Winter Walk…in Spring Weather — TOMORROW, Thursday, March 8th at 9:15am.  Meet at Butler Sanctuary in Mount Kisco – Directions: From I-684 to exit 4 (Route 172) west towards Mt. Kisco.  After 0.3 miles, turn left onto Chestnut Ridge Road and go 1.2 miles.  Turn right over bridge into parking area.  Get up, get out, get moving!!!!  Check out Butler Sanctuary, a Nature Conservancy Property — click here for more information.

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If you are looking to let your kids get a little wild over the spring break, check out this opportunity for some fun…

Wolf Camp for Kids! For children in Grades 2-5.  Dates:  April 3rd – 6th  (Tuesday – Friday) or April 24th – 27th  (Tuesday – Friday).  Additional sessions in May, June, July and August!  Time:  3PM – 5PM.  Fee:   $100 per child for the 4-day program.  Give the young animal lover in your family a chance to thrive among wolves all week long!  The four day program will include opportunities for your child to:  Learn all about wolves: Wolf 101, Discover the various myths that surround wolves and to create their own and share, Walk with a wolf!, Play a unique game of hide and seek using tracking and telemetry tools that real wolf biologists use in the field!, Create plaster paw prints from real tracks in the field – they’re great for show and tell!, “Wolfy” arts and crafts, howl-a-thons and more!  Program will run with a minimum of 4 children and a maximum of 10. All children who complete the program will get a special “Junior Wolf Biologist” certificate. Pre-registration is required.  Information and registration are available at www.nywolf.org.

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My husband keeps wondering why I change my iPhone cases like I change my wardrobe and what can I answer but these two simple responses?

1.  The case always fits and looks good. Who doesn’t like that?  Much more fun than shopping for jeans that fit.

2.  Market research.  I do it for you, the reader.  I am just that giving.  I HAVE to try out new sytles, new fads, new looks.  Honestly, I am just that giving.  You’re welcome.

So, my latest favorites?

Eyn cases — www.eynproducts.com

I’ll admit that I carry my iPhone everywhere — you know, so the kids can always reach me in an emergency.  Or, more honestly, so I can check my email, read my book, gawk through facebook at people’s obscure postings, and generally waste time while sitting in the pick up line at school or at the dentist’s office.  On the flip side, I hate carrying my pocketbook everywhere – so, introducing Eyn iPhone cases — with an opening in the back that is big enough for credit cards, money, and an ID.  The perfect accompanyment for any outfit.  It is slightly thicker than an average case, but still fits easily in my back pocket.  An added plus that I discovered last night while on face time with my nieces — you can use the back opening as a “kick-stand” to put the iphone on the counter while you talk.  Super fun.  We even talked to their hamster Greta who my kids decided was definitely cuter on video than she is in person.

Case Mate — www.case-mate.com

And for the fashion forward, a design-your-own case.  You can upload a design, photo, or image and they will print it right on the back of your case.  These are great for photos for the kids — so easy to show off your little wonders.

Happy shopping.  I will continue to be on the look-out for fabulous new finds for you…don’t worry.

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Welcome back to reality — hope it is more ahhh than ouch.  For me it is both, a touch of happy that kids are back to schedules — I’ll admit I gave a small sigh when they hopped onto the bus and the house was quiet…but at the same time I dread the return to homework and schedules.  The weeks off of school now that they are older are oh so delightful with the freedom from daily chores.

Anyway, as you begin to get your schedules set for the month ahead, I urge you to take a peek at the following fun to be had:

Prescriptions for Peaceful Transitions.  Navigating Childhood to Adolescence.  Brunch & Learn presented by Northern Westchester Hospital.  Featuring Lauren Budow, MD, pediatric and adolescent medicine, Alexander Lerman, MD, child and adolescent psychiatry, MaryJean MacDonald, PsyD, middle school psychologist, Chloe LeCompte, high school senior and NWH Junior President’s Council Member.  Brynwood Golf & Country Club, 568 Bedford Rd, Armonk, NY.  Tuesday, March 6, 2012.  9-10am reception and buffet brunch, 10-11:30am panel discussion and Q&A.  Complimentary valet parking is provided.  Tickets are $50 per person.  To register visit www.nwhconnect.org/2012brunchlearn.

Winter Walks group resumes: I am going to recommit to my Winter Walks this week with a walk at Butler Sanctuary — if it is as gorgeous on Thursday as it is today, we will be in for a perfect morning!  Thursday, March 1st, 9:30am at Butler Sanctuary in Mt Kisco – Directions: From I-684 to exit 4 (Route 172) west towards Mt. Kisco.  After 0.3 miles, turn left onto Chestnut Ridge Road and go 1.2 miles.  Turn right over bridge into parking area.  Get up, get out, get moving!!!!

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And while we’re talking about things to do over the school break –

Some words from Little Joe’s Books in Katonah…

Calling all Knitters & People who Love Hand-Knit Items.   Little Joe’s Books in Katonah is participating in a national contest that calls upon bookstores to decorate themselves in yarn and hand-knit items. The store is looking for donations of hand-knit items (which will be returned to owners the first week of March) and donations of yarn, which will be donated to the Bedford Correctional Facility for Women after the contest. Items can either be dropped at Little Joe’s, 25 Katonah Avenue, or at Katonah Yarn, 120 Bedford Road. Items can be dropped through February 25th. As a thank you to participants Little Joe’s will host a Knitting & Wine party on Wednesday, February 29th, from 6-8 p.m. People can contact the store at info@littllejoesbooks.com or 914-232-7278.

How to Make a Picture Book.   Saturday, March 24, 3:00 p.m. Calling all budding children’s book authors and illustrators. Dan Potash, vice president and creative director of the Children’s Publishing Division of Simon and Schuster, will be at Little Joe’s Books, 25 Katonah Avenue, Katonah, discussing the creation of a picture book — from initial concept all the way through the publishing process. Contact Little Joe’s at www.littlejoesbooks.com or 914-232-7278 for further information.

And an exciting event from the Music Conservatory of Westchester…

Music Conservatory of Westchester (MCW) has announced that local pop sensation Tiffany “Gia” Giardina will perform at its upcoming WinterBOWL on Thursday, February 23. The event celebrates the 25th anniversary of MCW’s Music Therapy Institute, which serves over 2,000 children and adults each year. Eighteen-year old Giardina, a supporter of music education, has opened for Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and more. She is a Radio Disney chart topper and has been cast in the upcoming Barbie movie, The Princess and the Pop Star, for which Mattel will issue a doll in her likeness. Also performing is Adriana Pera, a renowned cellist and MCW faculty musician, and MCW’s popular Teen Rock & Jazz Ensemble. The event will take place at Grand Prix New York, 333 North Bedford Road, Mount Kisco. Admission includes state-of-the-art bowling, kart racing, arcade games, food, and beer/wine (21+!). Festivities begin at 6pm; Giardina will perform at 8pm. Adults $60; Kids $50; MTI students $30. TICKETS MUST BE PURCHASED IN ADVANCE. Visit www.winterbowl.eventbrite.com or call 914-761-3900.

ENJOY!!!

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So this week is flying on by — and in the pre-vacation haste, I think this week’s walk will not be heavily attended.  If anyone was dying to attend and didn’t mention it, let me know and I will reconsider, otherwise, we will reconvene the week after the school break! March 1 — Butler Sanctuary?

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Yes, I know it is only Monday, but what is wrong with fast forwarding to think about the next weekend now?  Isn’t that what gets you through the week?  Sad, but sometimes all too true.  If you need a bright spot to look forward to this week, here’s something:  Family First Saturdays at the Neuberger Museum.  Casual art experiences for the whole family, with tours, hands-on workshops, and performances.  Saturday, February 4, 2012, 1–4 pm – workshops for ages tots to ten, accompanied by an adult.  Guided tours are for all ages.  Free admission for all 12–5 pm, tours 1–3 pm, workshops 1–4 pm, performances 2:30 pm.  February 4: Finding patterns in real life: Focus on Stuart Davis.  Stuart Davis made art that distilled what he saw in the world into patterned shapes that lock together like a jigsaw puzzle. Make an image of your own version of reality using patterns, colors and shapes.  Click here for more information.

If you don’t need something to look forward to, well, la-di-da to you.  Happy Monday either way!

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Looking for a little something sweet, an afterschool treat, or a way to get out of making those cupcakes for the bake sale that you promised?  Check out the newest addition to Katonah this weekend!  On Sunday, January 29th, from 1-3pm, stop by Sweetooth Katonah for their Grand Opening.  Try some delicious samples and meet the owner, Stacie Calian and the executive pastry chef, Kaitlyn Lennox, a CIA graduate. The store is located at 43 Katonah Avenue, Katonah. Besides cupcakes, the store has muffin tops, Ronnybrook products, coffee and can do special orders with 48 hours notice. Sweetooth of Katonah is committed to using the finest quality ingredients, sourced locally whenever possible.  Cupcake flavors change seasonally and are baked fresh daily. Sweetooth is a nut free facility and any and all dietary restrictions can be accommodated (including Gluten free items).   For more information, visit www.sweetoothkatonah.com or call 914-232-7700.

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Great perspective on “Carpe Diem Parenting” – so, so true.  Enjoy every second of parenting — except when you aren’t, because that’s ok too.
www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

My response?

Today is my son’s 12th birthday and I am nostalgic for days when my biggest worry was whether he was going to nap so I could work for an hour, or whether we would get through the grocery store line without a melt down, or whether he was going to be forever sad that his favorite blankie was lost on vacation.  These are the things we worry about when they are little.  The days are slow and you slog through the moments.  You are tired and cranky and overwhelmed and messy.

But, the kids grow and the worries get bigger.  Will his teacher be nice to him on the first day of kindergarten, will he make friends, what should he wear for Halloween?  And now I worry…is he coming home mad at friends because they are bullying him or is it typical middle school stuff?  Will he ever date or will girls forever be calling him four eyes?  Will the friends he have start drinking or dating or causing trouble and when does that happen?  How do I protect him?  And I imagine as he reaches his teens it will be similar and add in -  are his friends driving around drunk?  Is tonight a night I’ll get a call that something has happened?  How do you sleep?  How do you let go?  I can’t imagine.

So, when the older ladies at the store or the older moms you know give you that “just you wait – enjoy them now” – look…I think that’s what they mean.  Enjoy the little worries, because little worries turn big and you won’t be able to control them by picking them up and putting them in a time out, the bribe of a lollipop won’t bring them safely into your arms.  So, Carpe Diem when you can.  IF you can.  Not every moment is a good one, but like the author, peek at them when they are quiet and sleeping at night, grab an extra snuggle when they offer it, or take an extra day for vacation instead of rushing back to pre-school.  It matters — for your now and for your future.  You don’t have to enjoy every second of parenting, because it is hard, and exhausting and even sticky, but try to steal those moments that are wonderful and lock them in your heart for those days that aren’t so wonderful.  That’s what carpe diem means to me.

And now I am off to wrap presents he doesn’t need, obsess about cupcakes, and decorate the living room to surprise him for when he gets home, because I just don’t know if I will get to do that when he is 13 or 15 or 19 because “I’m too big for that mom” is looming right around the nasty corner!  Carpe Diem Birthday style…

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If you haven’t been to Stone Barns you are missing a real Westchester treat.  The farm is beautiful and offers a variety of family-friendly activities, walking trails, and events throughout the year. One of the more amazing opportunities that they offer though are their Summer Camp (and vacation week) experiences — your children will learn about farming, cooking, nature and more.  It is an experience not to be missed, in particular if you have an outdoor loving, animal obsessed little person! See details below…

2012 Farm Camp Early Registration Opens Today (January 17, 2012), for Stone Barns Members at the Seedling ($125) Level and Above.

Click here to become a member and take advantage of this special two-week early registration opportunity. Seedling level members also receive 10% off Farm Camp and all program fees. For questions about membership, please contact Karen Seo at 914 366 6200 x140. Registration opens to the general public on Monday, January 30.

Winter and Spring Vacation Camp
Winter Camp: February 21 – 24
Spring Camp: April 2 – 5

Vacation camp sessions are designed for first graders through fifth graders. Each session includes garden work, animal chores, farm crafts, games and nature hikes. Students will explore the farm-to-table connection as they harvest and prepare healthy and delicious seasonal snacks with our educators.   Registration for Winter and Spring Vacation Camps begins Tuesday, January 3, 2012.   Click here to download this year’s Vacation Camp brochure and registration form.

Summer Farm Camp
June 25-August 17

Stone Barns Center’s Farm Camp is entering its eighth season. Camp sessions are designed for rising first graders through rising eighth graders. Our campers have the opportunity to see how the farm works and get their hands dirty by pitching in with farm chores and learning alongside our farm staff. In addition to activities focused on a specific theme, every camp session includes garden work, animal chores, cooking, crafts, games and hiking. At Farm Camp, we also explore the farm-to-table connection. A staff cooking specialist helps campers prepare healthy snacks several times each week, and older campers cook a full lunch together in a professional kitchen.   Registration begins for members at the Seedling level ($125) and above on January 17, 2012 and for the general public on January 30, 2012.

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Despite the fact that we haven’t gotten a winter storm yet, spring schedules are starting to pop up and it is time to schedule your spring sport schedule!  Wild, but true.  Below is registration info for Bedford-Pound Ridge Baseball and for Fox Lane Youth Lacrosse.  If you have other info for your area, please post in comments here for others to see!

Bedford-Pound Ridge Baseball:  BPR Baseball Registration for 2012 Spring Season Is Now Open!  Registration is available at our website, eteamz.com/bprba. The Spring league is open to residents of Bedford and Pound Ridge, plus students who attend school within our league boundaries.  Registration CLOSES on February 17th!  Registration closes well before the season starts so that we can determine the number of teams we need to form in each age group, and conduct a draft so that the teams are as equal as possible.  Important note for Softball players – please register directly with Katonah Bedford Girls Softball this season.

Fox Lane Youth Lacrosse:  Registration is now open for FLYL 2012. We need you to help us plan for the season by registering early.  A late fee of $50 will be charged after midnight on January 19 for grades 3-8.  Registration will close on February 15 for grades 3-8.  Visit www.foxlaneyouthlacrosse.com.

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If, like me, you meant to go to the Train Show at the New York Botanical Garden over the Holidays, and never quite made it — you still have a chance.  Take this weekend (it’s a long one, so maybe a day doing something new isn’t a bad idea) and head south to the Bronx for a last holiday folly.  Hopefully your decorations are finally down, but you can take one last look at a winter wonderland before you start searching the internet for warmer escapes!

Last Chance to See the Holiday Train Show and Thomas the Tank Engine™ at The New York Botanical Garden.  20th Annual Exhibition and Complementary Programs Run through Monday, January 16, 2012.

Completing its 20th year at The New York Botanical Garden, the Holiday Train Show showcases 15 large-scale model trains traversing more than 140 replicas of New York landmarks, including the original Penn Station (1910–1964) and Yankee Stadium (1923), the Brooklyn Bridge, Rockefeller Center, and Radio City Music Hall — all created from plant materials such as leaves, twigs, bark, berries, seeds, pine cones, nuts, and pods. New for this season’s edition of the Holiday Train Show is The Artist’s Studio, which provides an insider’s look at how the replicas are constructed. Enjoy a mini-performance of All Aboard with Thomas & Friends™. Join Thomas and Driver Sam on a fun-filled, sing-along, mini-performance adventure by helping Thomas find his way from Knapford Station to Brendam Docks using teamwork, friendship, and discovery. Bring your camera; each mini-performance includes a photo op with Thomas the Tank Engine™. Get an honorary engineer certificate. Take home coloring sheets, stickers, and temporary tattoos of Thomas and his engine friends.  In Gingerbread Adventures, children delight in exploring the plant ingredients that make up a classic gingerbread recipe, venturing into a child-sized gingerbread playhouse, and decorating a gingersnap cookie with frosting and candies.

The New York Botanical Garden, Bronx River Parkway (Exit 7W) at Fordham Road, Bronx, New York.  Now through Monday, January 16, 2012 10 a.m. – 6 p.m.  Advance timed tickets are strongly advised and available online at www.nybg.org.

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Fancy yourself a photographer?  Want to show off your love for the Westchester Area?  Submit your three favorite photographs taken in Westchester County and show off your skills, while also supporting the organization that made such beauty possible with their preservation efforts!  Now that’s a good night!

Submissions are due by January 16th and can be submitted electronically.  Once accepted, work must be framed and wired for the show and delivered to the Westchester Land Trust by February 6th.  There is also a middle/high school component to the show, so get your kids involved!  Click here for the full application and details, or visit www.westchesterlandtrust.org.

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As you begin your New Year with resolutions and efforts to lead your ‘Better Life’ — check out the following tools….

www.getmilkshake.com — Put a little good in your life.  Milkshake, a free daily email dedicated to finding the good in everything features companies, causes, people, places and products which give back and make a difference.   Sign up for the newsletter and join the Milkshake movement. Be a part of all that’s good!

Check out the adult version and the kids’ version — a great e-newsletter which show-cases great products, causes, and ways to get involved in charity.  The best part?  Many of their suggestions involve awesome products that are not only great, but serve a bigger cause!  Today’s feature?  www.countmehealthyjewelry.com, a pretty bracelet that will help you stick to your New Year’s goals!  Looking good, and feeling good!  Get on it.

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So, the thing is, my family celebrates Christmas.  And we don’t do it small, we do it big, and tacky, and totally out of control.  My husband loves it, my kids go nuts, and I am somewhere in the middle watching them all love it.  They love the lights, the mystery, the magic, the family time, and of course the gifts, but I think the first three the most.  The anticipation is the biggest part of the fun — the set up and the crazy of the glittery wrappings that take over our life for one month of the year.  I love the innocence, the wonder and the resulting snuggles and hugs that come out of the magic that is the Holiday for us.

So, the quandry comes in that we have a lot of Jewish friends, and I know that this time of year can be hard for them.  Christmas is the most divisive, in your face Holiday and it is everywhere.  And even in a year when Hanukkah falls near Christmas, the difference is just what it is, a difference.  For their kids grappling with why these insane kids all believe in a red-suited man going down their chimney to why he doesn’t come down theirs — a religious differentiation surely, but really to a five year old…what in the world does the religion behind it mean?  It is just hard.  And for the parents who have to figure out how to explain it, how to make their decisions seem to make sense to these little people, SO hard.  I always want to make a nod to Hanukkah in my writings, but quite honestly, I don’t know what to say.  I didn’t grow up Jewish, have never been included in a Hanukkah celebration, so anything I say just sounds fake.  I want to write the gushy letter about lighting the candles, but I can’t write with feeling, so it sounds empty.  So, I don’t know what I am trying to say, except to my Jewish readers…I am not ignoring your beautiful traditions, I just don’t know them, and I feel your pain in dealing with ours for the past month, and although I can not express the beauty in words of what the Holidays must mean to your family, I am thinking of you with your families as you enjoy your traditions and watch the pleasure on your children’s faces — because that’s what all of this rigamarole is about after all isn’t it?  It is about making our kids happy, of creating traditions for our kids to remember as they age, of keeping our families happy and engaged and innocent.

My love and wishes are with all of our Jewish friends as they celebrate together this week…and as you tolerate the next few days of insane behavior from your gentile friends — we’re almost done with our tacky glamor I promise.  And we will then be on to the New Year together.

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If you suddenly woke up with a day off from school today (teacher conferences anyone?) and forgot to make plans for your kids — remember that we always have your back at Essentialmom.com — check out the Events Calendar for a ton of great things to do, places to go, and fun stuff to see.  The rain has stopped, the sun is out, and you might as well get out and enjoy the time with the kids!

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Between Holiday shopping, concerts, festive activities and oh yea, work, there’s so little left in my head these days — how to get it all done, how to care for the kids AND get it all done while they are home from school for full and half days the next few weeks for teacher conferences, and blah blah….my resolution to keep it simple this year is waning and being over-taken by the stress.  I had big ideas on December 1st about how I was going to start the month fresh with choosing to do ONE nice thing a day — either one nice thing for myself to keep my sanity or one nice thing for someone else as a courtesy…I am failing.  And it’s only been 7 days.  Everything takes so much time and energy.  How crazy is that?  So I am going to count my note to you as a nice thing for the day — I get to check off work and something nice — if it doesn’t count as helpful, don’t tell me?  So, here in a bow in case you haven’t checked any of these out yet, are my top five favorite – outside of the norm – maybe I’ll get lucky and find something original – type shopping venues.

1.  Beehive Co-op, Mt Kisco.  www.beehivestyle.com.  The perfect spot to find a gift for your mother-in-law, sister, and even the teachers.  They have gorgeous gifts — with a special focus on fashion, jewelry, and home goods.  Great new baby items as well.

2.  Ethical Ocean. www.ethicalocean.com.  With the help of the Ethical Ocean Elf, you can find the perfect thing on your list, while sourcing the best possible item with the lowest impact on the world.  You can even shop by charitable category…do you favor the Environment?  Animals?  Human Rights?  Pick a category and the elf will help you choose wisely.

3.  Uncommon Goods.  www.uncommongoods.com.  Whether you are looking for funky goods for the man or woman in your life, or just stocking stuffers for the kids, this site has a little bit of everything, and nothing that those special people will have seen before — very fun and cool and different — perfect for the difficult to shop for person in your life.

4.  The Gift Garage, Katonah.  www.jensgiftgarage.com.  Again, some fun teachers gifts and home goods, even some fun craft kits for the little people on the list.  Pair the trip with a stop at NoKa Joe’s and Little Joe’s Books, www.littlejoesbooks.com,  and you have to be able to get someone off of your list!

5.  Kelloggs and Lawrence, Katonah.  www.kelloggsandlawrence.com.  While in Katonah, be sure to stop by Kelloggs and Lawrence Hardware Store.  So much more than a hardware store, you can find clothing, outdoor gear, fire place supplies, stocking stuffers, gardening supplies, tools, and much, much more.

Feel free to comment and make suggestions — I need some new haunts for shopping.  Particularly for the hubby!

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A reader shared this information with me and hopes that the word will spread — please take a peek and if it touches your heart, give or get involved!

I am writing to share information about a charitable event I am involved with called Join The Voices Against Brain Cancer Run/Walk on December 4, 2011 in Central Park in NYC to support Voices Against Brain Cancer (VABC). At the event, my 9 year old son, Matthew Florio has formed a team for the walk and will also be honored with a 2011 Caregiver Award in recognition of the time he spent with his father, Victor Florio, who was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma in March 2010, and passed away in March 2011, after a very difficult year.

As a parent, it is so difficult to find meaning and a positive spin on an event that is so devastating in a child’s life.  In my quest, we discovered VABC and the Run/Walk, and Matthew became so excited about being part of this – but he wanted to do more than just participate.  I contacted the organization and told them of our personal relationship with the cause. VABC was so moved by Matthew’s courage and desire to get involved that they decided to honor him on December 4th. It is my hope that he continues to participate in many upcoming VABC events and is able to find comfort for himself and provide comfort to others in similar situations.  Ultimately, it would be wonderful for Matthew to be a significant part in finding a cure for this horrendous disease by way of donations to fund cutting-edge research to find a cure for brain cancer and brain tumors and to support programs for brain cancer patients and their caregivers.

We would really like to get the word out about this event, it has come to mean so much to us to try and help others dealing with this disease.  It would be wonderful if anyone interested could learn abou tthe cause and help support Matthew, his memories and this wonderful organization. This disease affects so many young families and I know for us it was a comfort to know we were not alone.  Please visit Team Matthew’s page to learn more about the cause and event at www.voicesinmotion.org/matthew. 

VABC is a charity whose mission is to find a cure for brain cancer by advancing scientific research, increasing awareness within the medical community and supporting patients, their families and caregivers afflicted with this devastating disease. Each year more than 200,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with primary or metastatic brain tumors. Brain tumors have no socio-economic boundaries and do not discriminate among gender or ethnicity.

Thank you for your time and support!

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I’m not much of a shopper.  I have little fashion sense and am happier in my sweatpants than Chanel, but I understand that I am in the minority (or at least that’s what the jokes about women say).  So, this week as you consider your post-Thanksgiving shopping binges, add “Small Shop Saturday” to your list of to do’s.  Go to whatever big box store you frequent on Friday to fight your way through the “deals” they offer, but save Saturday for a lovely stroll through town, a browse through your favorite boutique, or maybe a visit to a local purveyor of fine wines for the weekend!  American Express is encouraging shoppers to shop locally through their Small Business Saturday® program, a day dedicated to supporting small businesses.  Discounts will be offered at many stores.  Check if your local favorite is in the know!

An EssentialMom favorite?  Check out Beehive Co-op in Mount Kisco — 20% off on Saturday!  What is Beehive? A co-operative boutique that specializes in stylishly handmade products by independent designers including jewelry, accessories, apparel, kids, bath & body and home decor.  They ALWAYS have the perfect gift for the mom, child, special aunt, teacher or teenager on your list. A little something for everyone, and a little something unique to boot.  Check it out!  Visit www.beehivemtkisco.com.

Beehive Co-op

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If your children love Harry Potter as much as mine, I just saw the perfect weekend activity come across my desk (well, actually my in-box, but whatever).  This weekend (November 12-13) is apparently the Quidditch World Cup — held on nearby Randall’s Island.  Turns out there are Quidditch teams popping up all over the place (in particular on college campuses) and there is a real game with rules, a governing body and a multitude of teams from across the country.  The weekend promises games and a carnival atmosphere.  Rowdy college students in crazy outfits probably a side-benefit.  Now as a disclaimer, I have never been to this event, so who knows what the reality is, so use your own judgement please, but on closer inspection, I found the following –

Quidditch World Cup 2011, Randall’s Island, New York, NY, www.worldcupquidditch.com.  A real-life Quidditch tournament extravaganza, on November 12-13 at Randall’s Island, best described by Fox news as “a cross between the superbowl and a medieval festival.”  The World Cup features:  100 college and high school teams from 22 states and four nations, Over 2,000 uniformed, caped, broom-riding athletes, Over a dozen Live rock bands, Wizard Wrock, Circus sideshows, live owl demonstrations, costumes and more, Live commentary on every field from professional improv comedians from the PIT club in NYC, Butterbeer, Turkey Legs, Bertie Botts beans, BBQ, chili, hot chocolate, real beer, and many other things your stomach desires, Wands, brooms, robes, scarves, and other wizardly gear for sale, with Championships in Icahn Stadium, a world class venue that seats 5,000.

Here’s a video of the weekend — looks like a totally silly college weekend.  Check it out for a taste: www.youtube.com/watch?v=2K-xgBpQU84

Sounds like awesome chaos right?  If you have a little Potter or mini-Hermione, this might be worth a trip!  Oh, and with the Holidays coming up, if you can’t make it to the weekend’s fun, you can buy your Harry Potter goods at www.alivans.com — they have the absolute best and most beautiful wands I’ve seen.  They are made of pretty woods, have tales and certificates that come with them, and a ton of choices to fit your wizard or witches individual personality – totally magical.

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As Thanksgiving creeps up on us and THE HOLIDAYS loom in the not so distant future, keep an eye out for ways to get involved in the community — there are always a multitude of holiday drives, needs and more, and this year I think there will be even more than usual. People are hurting economically and lending even a small hand will make a world of difference.  Get together with friends to host a family, gather your children for a special ‘shop for others day’, or if that’s outside of the budget, how about looking around for those Birthday party gifts someone gave you that you are looking to “re-gift” to a new family because you already own two.  Any little bit helps….I will try to keep a list of opportunities on the site on our Non-Profits page, but here are the first requests that have come in for the season.

Open Door Family Medical Centers Toy Drive
Open Door is working to ensure that children of less fortunate families receive a brand new toy this holiday season.  Please donate a new toy for our youngest pateints, ages newborn to 14 years old.  Goal: 2,500 new, unwrapped toys for children newborn to 14 years old.  Maximum value: $20.  Now through December 10, 2011.  Toy ideas: baby toys, learning toys, dolls, super heroes, television characters, Dora the Explorer, Legos, trains, remote control vehicles, craft sets, paint sets, wallets, watches, silver jewelry, jewelry making kits, sporting goods, gift certificate to businesses in Open Door’s neighborhoods.  Donation locations: Mt Kisco Open Door, 30 West Main Street, Mt Kisco; Ossining Open Door, 165 Main Street, Ossining; Port Chester Open Door, 5 Grace Church Street, Port Chester; Sleepy Hollow Open Door, 80 Beekman Avenue, Sleepy Hollow.  Other ways to help: host a toy drive, host a game night, pass a “bucket for the holidays”, visit our wish lists on www.amazon.com, www.toysrus.com, and www.kohls.com, monetary donations and donations of gift wrap are also welcome, or join our team of wrappers and helpers!  For information, contact Alicia Ward, volunteer coordinator, 914-502-1468 or award@ood.org, visit www.opendoormedical.com.  Bring joy this holiday season.  Please donate a new toy!

Holiday Adopt-A-Family Program for Friends of Karen
Watching the joyful expression of a child opening holiday gifts brings unforgettable happiness for every parent. Those happy moments can be so fleeting — especially when your child has a life-threatening illness. The Friends of Karen Adopt-A-Family Program allows you to fulfill the holiday wishes of critically ill children and their siblings. You may choose to purchase one gift for one child or several gifts. And if you don’t have time, make a cash donation and we will do the shopping!  Join us in making this a special time of joy for critically ill children and their families. If you are interested in participating in the program, please contact Volunteer Coordinator Denise Tredwell at 914-617-4052 denisetredwell@friendsofkaren.org

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Under Megan’s Law we get letters from our school updating us about the presence of sex offenders in local neighborhoods and I always take a deep breath before reading.  The horror of varying possibilities slip through my mind and I shiver at the thought of my precious children or the children of friends living around people that our legal system classifies as “high risk”.  The thought that anyone who is still considered HIGH risk lives anywhere near anyone is horrifying, yet they have to live somewhere and I can only hope that the justice system has “reformed” them and that they are no longer as risky as they are classified.  Right, I am trying to be PC.

Anyway, although we can’t control who lives near us, we can control how we educate ourselves and our children.  I was just read a posting on Bedford-Katonah Patch and while reading I saw that there is a speaker coming in from the Westchester County District Attorney’s Office to discuss Megan’s Law — if you can make it, it’s a start to fully being aware of what your rights are, the protection afforded your children, and how to make good decisions around educating yourself: the community meeting will be at the Bedford Town House at 321 Bedford Road in Bedford Hills on Nov. 9 at 7 p.m. The meeting is open to all members of the community.  I also read about a facebook page that connects people with the registry in your area — you can search by zip code for offenders in your area….click here.

To me, I think the registered offenders are usually the least risk to our kids, it’s the ones they haven’t found that scare me more.  Educate your children on stranger danger.  Talk about it honestly and frequently.

1.  Make sure your kids have a safe password that ANY friend, stranger or family member should know if they are picking them up from school – tell them NEVER to go with someone unless they know the password.
2.  Tell kids that no adult should EVER ask a child for help — finding a dog, giving directions or putting something in their car.
3.  If they are lost or nervous and can’t find a policeman somewhere, look for a mother with children.
4.  The simplest instructions to remember in any emergency — Run.  Yell.  Tell.

This is by no means a comprehensive list of things to talk about — for more resources check out youth.westchestergov.com/protecting-youth/child-abuse/resources

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I literally put the kids on the bus this morning and crawled back into bed.  Just 15 minutes I promised myself.  But oh, I wanted to stay there forever.  I am already in full hibernating mode and what did I just read on the weather forecast?  Snow, rain and general heinosity for Saturday?  Back under the covers.  How is a girl to think about Halloween costumes and fall fun when the threat of snow in October looms overhead?  Ewww.  And the dark?  I woke up this morning and thought it was the middle of the night and realized it was time to get up!  So very painful.

So, this weekend, what to do?  If you are the very nicest of mommies, head to one the MANY Halloween events featured on our overflowing calendar  – or just meet me at the showing of ET at Jacob Burns Film Center in Pleasantville.  I’ll be the one crying in the corner.  Love that movie.  And the theater too — it’s a great spot to see a movie and sometimes I can even count it as a cultural experience, www.burnsfilmcenter.org.

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Some people gasp at the very words, turn a slight pink shade, or turn away when they hear someone talking about Planned Parenthood.  Me?  I think about responsibility, health, and empowerment.  Supporting Planned Parenthood is a family tradition in our house.  My grandmother was an amazing woman — she was one of five women in her medical school class and she fought tooth and nail to get women’s rights, equal treatment for all women, and yes, a Planned Parenthood in her very own little town in Pennsylvania.  She stood up for women, and their right to control their futures; whether through birth control, health care, or even abortions.  My parents taught us to stand up these rights too and when I went on to become a social worker in the Bronx, I encouraged my clients to stand up for themselves.  I remember one day when a girl (who I had sent off to get birth control) came into my office and dumped out her brown bag of “goodies” from the clinic on my desk and said, ok, tell me more about all of this.  I had to take a deep breath, control the pink shade in my cheeks, and get into a serious talk.  I wasn’t comfortable, I wasn’t suggesting she go out and be promiscuous, I was suggesting that IF she was going to be sexually active, she should protect herself from disease and pregnancy in the best way she possibly could.  This young girl is now a successful, working member of society, she is married to loving man, and is currently AGE APPROPRIATELY pregnant with her first baby and over the moon about it.  That is a success story.  That is what Planned Parenthood means to me, and that is the history that I pride myself on.

Planned Parenthood is about providing successful outcomes, happy futures, and happy families.  I was able to plan when I wanted to have my children, when I was ready to have them, and love them, and care for them, and it has meant everything in the world to me.  We take these freedoms for granted, but as the liberal right seeks to control your rights…fight for them and come educate yourself this Thursday, October 20th at Planned Parenthood’s Empower Luncheon, www.pphp.org.  If you can’t justify buying a ticket, be my guest — I’d love to have you, just ask, gretchen@essentialmom.com. Fight through the blush and join us.

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My 8 year old and I had a few spare moments for adventure this weekend before the usual Saturday run around began and we decided to go see something new.  Every once in a while (mostly in the fall because I love the weather so much) I make a renewed effort to try to get out and about and experience all that Westchester has to offer.  There are so many parks, hiking trails, and things to do that even after living here for (gulp) almost 14 years now, I am still amazed by the places I haven’t visited.  Embarrassing.  But in my own defense, it is just so easy to get stuck in your own little world and your kids’ world and not move outside of it.  Anyway, I digress….but suffice it to say there are the greatest places to walk and explore both alone, with a friend, or with the kids.

Lasdon is one of those places — located right on route 35 in Somers, Lasdon Park, Arboretum and Veterans Memorial is (from their web site) “a 234 acre property consisting of woodlands, open grass meadows and formal gardens with flower and shrub specimens from all over the world. The park is home to several inspirational memorials and a museum honoring Westchester veterans. Lasdon is also the site of the Chinese Friendship Pavilion, which was a gift from the People’s Republic of China to the residents of Westchester”.  The park has gorgeous gardens and walking trails that are perfect for both moms looking to exercise with a friend while the kids are in school, or maybe even better, moms looking to stroller walk with little ones.  The paths are well-maintained and wander through gardens, expanses of lawn, and under flowering trees.  If your little one will tolerate sitting in a stroller and if you are tired of getting run down by SUVs driving mock 2 on your road, this is the place for you.  Although the gardens set a formal tone and they do discourage going off of the paths (so if you have a toddler that will see the wide open grasses and HAVE to frolick, this might not be so perfect) — but the walking trails are yours to wander and I would say that the crowds are rarely large, so noisy babies, chatting moms, and people out for a stroll would all be welcome.

Definitely make your way down to the Chinese Friendship Pavillion — it is tucked away, but worth the find, there’s even a nice little path that circles a pond, a perfect lap during your walk.  To find out more about the park you can visit the westchestergov.com web site or click here.  Admission and fees: County park pass is not required for admission (unless I was mistaken, the admission is a “give what you can” sort of admission — there was nowhere that I could see to sign in or pay except a box at the entrance), Directions: Route 35, Somers, Park hours: Open seven days a week, 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.  The Veterans Museum is only open on weekends. Garden Shop hours: Open from March to Christmas, Wednesdays through Sundays 11 a.m. – 3:30 p.m.  Phone: (914) 864-7263.

If you take an older child, I always suggest doing a “search” for I Spy items or take a camera along and let them take shots of little things they find tucked away in the scenery.  Here is our photo walk below.

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This fall I have made a pledge to get more organized for the kids and myself, make life easier and less harried, and to be more pleasant about it all.  And this year, it seems that I actually mean it and SHOCK of all SHOCKS, it’s working.  My kids are happier, they are feeling secure and we are all soooo enjoying life.  Now, I am a realist and there are several factors that I must admit to being at play — a) the homework has not started in earnest, b) afterschool activities haven’t started to their full extent yet, and c) I am working less.  That all said, I think we have set a good tone and I am going to go ahead and congratulate myself that at the very least we have started well.  So that all said, here are some items that have been good additions to our new ways.

1.  I created a new work space for the whole family.  We had a guest room upstairs that wasn’t getting a lot of use, and I designated it as my new home office (which used to be the kitchen) — I have a desk and there is now a table for the kids to do homework on.  The kitchen for whatever reason was highly distracting.  The new office has a strict quiet policy and is very organized so that the kids can find the supplies we need for homework, sit comfortably at the table, and so far they are adhering to the quiet policy.  So, although you might not have a spare space for this or might not be willing to give up on your guests, turn a little corner into that space.  My kids were all over the place and no one was getting as much done as effectively as they could have been.  Searching for supplies alone was taking an extra 20 minutes of homework time.  Put it all in one place.

2.  I am using google calendars for EVERYTHING.  I have been using it for a while personally, but now I am really engaging in it — you can designate different colors for different family members, color code activities, and most of all you can print the schedules out and post them for the whole family.  You can choose to print just the kids, each separateley, etc. all within moments.  You can add that Tuesdays are take your viola to school days or when you have soccer practice.  Post it to the fridge and make the kids check it daily to be sure they are remembering what they need to take to school.  Last night I printed just this week’s schedule and posted it — feeling like the whole month was too much — so post just the week’s info they need to remember.

3.  I am focusing on dinner menus before 5pm each day — when I used to start thinking about the dinner to serve at 5:30 — never having the right ingredients and more often than not just serving them pasta with butter because I hadn’t thought ahead.  So this week, I took a whole 10 minutes this morning (it may have even been 5) and picked what I would serve for dinner for the week, wrote it down on post-it notes and put them on the fridge too. I then took the next 10 minutes and looked at the actual recipes and wrote down what I would need for the recipes from now through Wednesday so that when I get to the store, I won’t stand lost in the aisles and buy pasta again!

4.  Dinners as a family. Now I need to be honest about this.  My husband and I have always treasured our time together at night to eat dinner, maybe drink a glass of wine, and talk after the kids are in bed for the night.  This fall we are trying to have dinner with the kids at least 2 times a week.  I have read study after study about families eating together and the importance of taking that time and frankly wasn’t sold (again, reference the desire to eat and hang out with husband without the kids) – but we have been having dinner with them more regularly and they are talking, engaging, and sharing in a very different way.  Even different from just sitting there while they are eating.  Somehow actually eating with them creates a different vibe and for whatever reason, they seem to be digging it too.  Weird, but all too true.

5.  And last but not least, I have decided to put the blackberry down.  I have not broken the habit yet and don’t even aspire too (this is real life people) — but I am weaning myself of the blackberry use both when they first get home from school and during homework time.  I am too fragmented when I try to answer an email and talk to the kids at the same time, and quite honestly, it’s rude.  I don’t want my son talking to me while he’s checking his phone, I guess I need to model that too!

All for now.  Check out cute picture of my very organized fridge for show-off purposes — I am proud. Don’t ask to look at it again in a month as I am pretty sure the cuteness will lead to my usual mess, but for now….think about it and give some of these items a try.  Don’t hurt yourselves over-doing it, but if anything might resonate, give it a try and see what happens.

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Wow, feels like fall and I hate to admit it, but I am so excited!  The leaves are falling and the temperature requires a nice little sweater, and I love it.  If you try not to think that winter follows fall, you should be able to enjoy a nice walk or the crunch of leaves under foot this weekend.  It means I can bring out my jeans and cowboy boots and not seem ridiculous.  I am so sick of my summer clothes, I can’t wait to put them away.  The smoothies for breakfast idea seems chilly now though – so maybe switch that to some warm crescent rolls and call it a day.  Hot chocolate and a flannel shirt anyone?

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Ahhh…the sounds of the 80′s — a little “Let’s Get Pysical’ and some ‘Maniac’ from Flashdance topped off by a little MC Hammer — belting out of the stereo tonight as my 8 year old does what he calls his salsa dance — while the 11 year old was doubled over laughing at his brother — nothing better to end a Thursday. Sometimes we all have to just put aside the crazy of the world, the pressure of school or work or life in general and act ridiculous. So simple, yet so genius. It all began because while waiting for the bus with our slightly nervous because of the new middle school days son, a man in all white, including short shorts, and a white headband speed walked past us and my husband started singing (quietly of course) Let’s Get Physical and had our son rolling laughing. A little laughter at someone else’ expense, but is it wrong if it cheers the kids up? Maybe, but it was funny. Gosh, I hope none of you know him. He’s got a superior speed walk I must say, but I must add my thanks for adding a little levity to a kid’s day. Don’t worry we paid it forward as the FedEx man came up the driveway to catch us jumping around like lunatics to James Brown. Pay it forward yourself and get your groove on — it’s a great workout after dinner too!

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